


Unexpected

by karog



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, I'm Bad At Titles, Minor Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smut, Tags May Change, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:11:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karog/pseuds/karog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evelyn has been gone for almost two months so she expects a warm welcoming from Cullen. Instead, she gets cold words. Cullen is not being himself. What's wrong? </p><p>"Love. It's a strange feeling, right? It fills your whole body. You feel it with every inch of your skin, the shivers, the heart's flickering, a constant grin on your face.<br/>(...)<br/>A blessing and a curse. Freedom and shackles. Safety and a trap."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Love. It's a strange feeling, right? It fills your whole body. You feel it with every inch of your skin, the shivers, the heart's flickering, a constant grin on your face. 

Sometimes, love can be like salvation. Giving new purpose to your life, making you want to breath again and breath easy, helping you forget all the bad things that happened. It's like a cheerful song stuck in your head that you want to hum all day to let people know you're in love. 

Sometimes, love can be like a burden. You carry it with pride although it makes you weak. It stultifies your common sense, forcing you to do things you never wanted to do, making you care so much it hurts. But you endure because you know the prize is worth it. The suffering is worth seeing the other person's happiness. It's all that matters, really. 

A blessing and a curse. Freedom and shackles. Safety and a trap. 

 

Evelyn was excited. They were coming back to Skyhold after a particularly long and tiring journey to the Emerald Graves. Most of the time, they were just attempting to escape all the unpleasant creatures they met on the road but it wasn't always successful so all of them were simply exhausted. Cassandra was grumpier than usual, Varric was less talkative and Vivienne really started to get on Evelyn's nerves so she just sighed with relief when they decided to come back home. A hot bath, soft bed and a certain Commander - that was all she really needed at that moment. Evelyn allowed herself to daydream for a moment as her companions seemed to be rather reluctant to speak. 

She thought about their first kiss on the battlements, quick and thirsty, ravenous even. Both Cullen and Evelyn were waiting for such a long time to feel each other's touch... well, maybe Cullen a bit longer as he admitted later on. 

Then, she thought about their first night together. Their quick breaths, lustful glances, impatient hands... it all made Evelyn shiver, even now. It was perfect. They were perfect together and their live was going to be perfect. At least after she defeats Corypheus, of course. 

"Daydreaming again?" Varric asked, pulling her out of her memories. 

"What?" she asked, looking at the dwarf absent-mindedly "No, of course not. I mean... wait, what? What do you mean 'again'? I don't do it very often!" 

"Oh, trust me Firefly, you do it more often than you realize" he chuckled and Evelyn grimaced, hearing her nickname. She didn't like it, fireflies weren't even nice! And they were WORMS. Once, she asked Varric why he had decided to name her after an insect and he explained that she was glowing like a firefly. At first, she was a bit insulted as she thought it was about the damned mark on her hand but when Varric saw her face, he quickly elaborated on how she was a great leader, gathering all sorts of people, bringing them close together as if she was glowing from the inside. Like a beacon of hope. So she agreed for the nickname to stay, mainly because Varric had a lot of difficulties with coining a nickname for her. Still, she wasn't a big fan of being called Firefly. 

She was ready to counter his arguments but then, they finally saw Skyhold's towers and she couldn't help but grin. 

"See? You're beyond help" Varric laughed seeing her expression and they both heard Cassandra snorting behind them. 

Seeing their home filled their hearts with new strength and they rushed their mounts. Evelyn couldn't wait to see Cullen. They exchanged plenty of letters when she was absent and Cullen promised he would compensate the trouble she had in the Emerald Graves. All she really wanted to do was just bury her face in his fur mantle and forget the world for just a minute. Feeling her heart pounding loudly in her chest, she thought about how much she missed him when she was away. This time it was nearly two months! Their separation never lasted that long and she was just eager to see him again. 

Sun was beginning to set down when they arrived at the gates, hearing a loud roaring of a horn announcing their arrival. She knew Cullen was going to wait for her at the gates. They may have kept up appearances for some time but eventually everybody found out about their relationship so there was no point in pretending anymore. They were very bad at keeping secrets. 

She jumped off her mount and handed the laces to one of Master Dennet's helpers. Rushing through the crowd she looked impatiently for his red mantle and golden curls, barely able to hold herself together. She wanted to jump right into his arms and never let go. 

But he wasn't there. Evelyn looked around, trying to calm herself down when she was approached by Dorian. 

"My dear, you're finally back, long time no see" he said, embracing her. 

"Dorian" she smiled and hugged him tightly. 

"How was it? No injuries, I hope? Everything went smooth?" Dorian asked, observing his friend carefully. He knew she had a habit of undermining her own injuries. After their last trip to the Western Approach, she fell unconscious in the evening because she was hiding her wound. From that moment, Dorian knew he had to check on her regularly and he was grateful he wasn't left alone with the task. The Commander was certainly more efficient in looking for her injuries when she was back at Skyhold. 

"Of course, everything is all right" she reassured her friend "I promise, this time for real!" she added when she noticed his suspicion. "Have you seen Cullen?" she finally asked with worry in her voice. 

"He didn't come to greet you? Odd" he commented, looking around them as if he was sure Evelyn simply didn't notice her lover in the crowd. 

"Is he all right? I should go to him..." she said and quickly turned towards Cullen's office, thinking about his lyrium withdrawal. His attacks have stopped and even the headaches seemed to be gone. They thought that the worst has already passed but maybe they were wrong? What if something happened to him? 

"Don't worry, I played chess with him yesterday" Dorian tried to calm her "He was feeling fine. Actually, better than fine" he grinned "He was eagerly awaiting your return" 

"No headaches? No trembling? Was he feverish?" she asked, ignoring Dorian's teasing. 

"Calm down!" he shouted and grabbed her arms, forcing her to stop. He cupped her face gently "Take deep breaths, all right? He was perfectly fine, nothing's wrong with him. He's probably busy, buried in his work, you know him" he said and when he saw Evelyn relax a bit, he let her go. "Go, run to you Commander" 

"Thank you, Dorian" she smiled gratefully "See you later?" 

"I'll be waiting" he winked and turned towards the library. 

Evelyn took her friend's advice seriously and tried breathing deeply before entering Cullen's office but it didn't help her. Anxiety grew hard on her and her heart skipped a beat when she knocked on the door and without waiting for any response she opened them wide. 

Cullen was sitting by his desk, his head lowered as he was focused on some report. He didn't even look at her so she loudly cleared her throat. She wanted to just run to him and feel his lips on hers, feel his hands on her body, she wanted to order him a day off and spend the whole night only with him. 

But when Cullen looked at her, his eyes seemed strange. Cold and unwelcoming, scrutinizing her, he didn't even smile. She froze. 

"Inquisitor, may I help you with something?" he asked as he stood up and his words were like a knife going straight through her heart, leaving her breathless. It was a long time since he called her 'Inquisitor' when they were alone. 

Something was wrong. 

"Cullen?" she asked, unable to think of any appropriate response. She approached him quickly and held her breath when he backed away from her. "What's wrong?" she asked. 

His face was like a stone, emotionless. He never looked at her in this way. Never with such... indifference. 

"If you need a report, they are already on your desk. I told the guards to bring everything that required your attention to the Spymaster. Is there anything else you need?" he asked. 

Evelyn faltered. She didn't understand. It wasn't the Cullen she knew. Her Cullen would take her into his strong embrace, drown her into his kisses, close the door and tell the guards not to let anyone in. He would take her upstairs and drank her body, telling her how much he missed her and how much he worried for her. It was a fixed scenario, they went through this routine a couple of times. 

"Why are you like this?" she asked silently, tears welling up in her eyes "Is this some cruel joke? Have I done something to upset you?" 

She reached out to touch his cheek but felt a firm grip forming around her wrist, stopping her from touching his skin. 

"Fraternization is not profitable for the Inquisition. I think it's time for you to leave" he stated and pulled her towards the door, still holding her wrist. 

"Cullen, you're hurting me..." she said, trying to break free from his tight hold. And she didn't mean only the hand. His words, Maker, his words were like the worst nightmare coming true. 

He simply pushed her outside and slammed the door, leaving her alone. 

Evelyn couldn't believe that it really happened. For a moment, she thought it actually was a dream from which she was about to wake up. There was no logical explanation for Cullen's behavior. She frantically searched in her memory any signs of his anger but there was none. His last letter was full of love and kind words. 

She felt hot tears falling down her face and rushed towards the library hoping that her friend would find an explanation.


	2. Chapter 2

If there ever were words to describe how she was feeling, she couldn't remember them at that moment. Fear, anger, despair, confusion... they all mixed in her mind, making her unable to think clearly. She wanted to understand and couldn't. 

"He threw you out?" Dorian exclaimed, holding Evelyn firmly. Her only answer was a loud sob, so he added "Hush, my dear, It'll all be fine" 

"N-no, it won't" she answered, crying into his shoulder. "I don't understand... What have I done to upset him this much?" 

"You've done nothing wrong, I assure you" he stated, caressing her back. 

"Then... why?" she asked, expecting an answer that Dorian was unable to give. 

He started wondering, attempting to find a reasonable explanation for Cullen's behavior. From what Evelyn told, it wasn't caused by lyrium withdrawal. There were no visible symptoms to support such claim. Dorian thought that maybe Cullen simply stopped loving her and found someone new but the idea was preposterous and he quickly rejected it. He spent months trying to convince the Commander that his feelings towards the Inquisitor were mutual and still, it was Evelyn that approached Cullen first. No, Cullen was hopeless when it came to women, he couldn't have found someone new. Besides, nobody falls out of love _that_ quickly. Only yesterday the Commander couldn't stop talking about his beloved Inquisitor. He even lost the game of chess, which was unusual. 

Then, Dorian remembered all the reservations that Cullen had before jumping into this crazy relationship with his own leader. No noble title, a dark past, his problem with quitting the lyrium... Maybe he thought again that he was 'unworthy' of Evelyn? Perhaps someone even told him something that planted a seed of anxiety in his mind. Anxiety that would drive him to protect Evelyn by turning away from her. Dorian rolled his eyes, convinced that he solved the riddle, deciding to give the man a lecture he would never forget. 

"My dear, how about you go to your chamber and wipe away these tears. You must be exhausted after your journey, rest a bit. It's already dark outside, you should get some sleep" he said, stroking her hair "I'll go talk to Cullen" 

"You... you'd do that?" she asked, sniffing miserably and Dorian wondered how it was possible that this strong and confident leader changed into a crying, helpless girl when it came to her Commander. 

"Of course. I'll find out what is going on" he reassured her. _And I'll even cast some lightning into his direction if he doesn't listen to me..._

"Thank you" she said and he quickly walked her down the steep stairs towards her chamber. They passed Solad and he gave them a questioning look but Dorian just signaled the elf that everything was under control. 

 

When Dorian reached Cullen's door, he was already boiling with fury. Evelyn happened to be his best friend and when she felt hurt, he would do anything to make her happy again. Even if it meant saying harsh words towards her lover. 

Dorian pushed the door and unceremoniously entered Cullen's office. 

The Commander was still sitting by his desk, buried in his paperwork, focused on it so much that he didn't even notice someone entered the room. He was strangely calm and steady, Dorian thought. Not that he usually wasn't calm, of course. But there was something strange in his posture. He was too stiff, too frigid. 

"Commander, I don't know what you think you're doing but I suggest you start explaining things straightaway before I'll be forced to..." Dorian said, approaching the desk and jumped in surprise when Cullen stood up very quickly, pulling his sword out of the sheath and pointing it right to his friend. 

"Step back, mage" the Commander said steadily and made a step forward. 

Although it was difficult to make Dorian forget the words in his mouth, he stood there, looking at Cullen with his eyes wide open, speechless. 

"You will now slowly leave the room and you will never threaten your commander again, is that clear?" Cullen gritted his teeth, his eyes fixed on Dorian, his sword still pointing towards the man. 

Suddenly, Dorian regained the ability to speak as the surrealism of the situation hit him hard. 

"Cullen" he started silently, making a step towards the Commander "What's going on? Can I help you somehow?" 

For a moment, Dorian thought that perhaps Cullen was overworked, perhaps he simply broke down because of the pressure that leading the Inquisition's army must have put on his shoulders. Or perhaps, he simply lost his mind because of the lack of lyrium? It was possible, he read about such cases. However, Dorian didn't have much time to think about all the possibilities that might have caused Cullen to act so strangely. 

It all happened extremely fast. Cullen noticed the mage approaching him slowly so he decided to teach him a lesson and swung his sword. Dorian acted instinctively and as he froze Cullen's hand he noticed his breathing got a lot faster.  
There was a moment of silence. They were standing really close to each other, Cullen looking at his hand in disbelief, Dorian observing the man's reaction very carefully. 

Then, he felt it. A delicate tingling coming from the Commander. Something like magic but not quite... 

"LEAVE!" Cullen roared and swung his other hand intending to hit Dorian with his fist. The mage was faster, though. He ducked down with grace and turned towards the door, closing it loudly behind him. 

Dorian leaned against the wall, trying to stabilize his breath. He could barely wrap his head around what's just happened. Cullen was not being himself, that's for sure. But why? 

And that strange feeling he got when he was close to him. Something like magic but Dorian has never felt anything like that before. This whole situation was extremely bizarre and he wasn't going to leave it like that. 

But first, he needed to go to Evelyn. 

\---

He moved his fingers carefully to warm them up and get rid of numbness, swearing to himself that it was the last time the mage got in his way. 

Tomorrow. 

Tomorrow he'll deal with them all. At this thought, he smiled viciously and returned to going through the reports. 

He heard the crow's cawing long before it flew through the hole in the roof. Perhaps, the hole wasn't as useless as he had thought. He took the message from the bird and then, he quickly grabbed its neck and squeezed. He watched as life was slowly leaving the creature's body and he grinned, feeling the hard pressure against his pants. When the bird stopped twitching, he just threw it carelessly in the corner. 

Carefully, he unrolled the small piece of paper and began reading. 

_Change of plans. Bring her here, alive._

He didn't like this sudden change of plans but there was no other way. He couldn't disobey. 

Narrowing his eyes in excitement, he immediately started sketching out a plan for tomorrow. 

It was going to be a busy day. And most certainly, a titillating one.


	3. Chapter 3

Evelyn woke up with a terrible headache. She woke up in the middle of the night and spent the rest of it crying, trying to understand Cullen's behavior but the more she thought about it, the more confused she felt. After such a long time of missing his touch she now found herself devoid of this small pleasure and it made her feel miserable. She missed him terribly and knowing that he was so close, being unable to just run into his solid arms... it was killing her. 

She didn't know if Dorian managed to talk some sense into Cullen. When she walked into her apartment yesterday evening, she suddenly felt so exhausted that she didn't even take a bath, going straight to her bed, taking off her armor on the way. Dorian probably came to her later but she was sleeping like a log. Although curiosity was gnawing at her heart, she decided that it was high time she took that damn bath. 

Evelyn popped out her head through the door and asked one of the guards to bring the servants responsible for her chamber. Usually, she was doing it by herself because although they were paying the people adequately, she still felt uncomfortable with them running around her as if she was some delicate, little girl. 

"Inquisitor?" she heard the girl's voice a couple of minutes later and saw her freckles and red hair sticking out through the door. 

"Melissa" Evelyn said with a smile. "Could you prepare a bath for me, please?" 

"Right away, Your Worship" the red-headed girl said quickly and disappeared behind the door. 

Evelyn sighed. She liked Melissa very much. The girl was straightforward and a bit wild, but she always respected her duties. She was also smart as Evelyn found out after they engaged in a discussion over the mages and templars' situation, which of course guaranteed her a bitter lecture from Vivienne about familiarity and the importance of power and respect. Evelyn didn't care. She liked Melissa and it was nobody's business, thank you very much. One thing that bothered her, though, was that the girl was reluctant when it came to addressing Evelyn by her first name. 

After some time, Melissa came back to announce that her bath was ready and Evelyn eagerly followed her to the other chamber. 

"Not too hot, not too cold, with elderflower oils and lemon grass soap, just like you like, Your Worship" Melissa said cheerfully "I thought you might need some relaxation after being away for so long" 

Evelyn faced her and simply wanted to hug the girl who always seemed to know how to improve her mood. 

"Thank you so much, Mel" 

"It's my job to keep the Inquisitor happy" Melissa answered with a grin and approached the door. 

"Melissa, how are things with Tom?" Evelyn asked before the servant left the room. 

"Pretty good, actually. I took your advice, Your Worship. Remember, the one you told me before you went away? I stopped waiting for him to act and I acted first" Melissa grinned widely and at that moment Evelyn realized that in fact she looked differently. More radiant, simply happier. "Turns out the coward was too afraid to tell me he loved me. Good thing there are brave girls in the world, right?" 

"Right" Evelyn nodded, smiling. 

"And how's the Commander?" Melissa asked without any hint of shame. They talked about it before so Evelyn wasn't surprised to hear it. She wondered what would Vivienne say about that and almost giggled, imagining the Enchanter's shocked and appalled face. But then, she realized she had to answer the question and she stopped smiling. 

"I... don't know" Evelyn answered honestly. 

Melissa looked at her with worry painted all over her face. "Inquisitor, you are the strongest and the bravest woman I have ever met" she said earnestly "Don't let anyone make you forget that. Enjoy your bath!" she added at the end and left the room, leaving Evelyn alone with her thoughts. 

Entering the bath, she felt a pleasant shivers going down her spine. It was such a relief to finally be able to take a proper bath. Breathing in the soothing scents, she noticed bruises that Cullen's grip left on her wrists. 

Melissa was right. She couldn't let anyone make her doubt herself. She had a clear task before her and being the only person in the world able to fulfill it, she couldn't break down because of... what? Lovers' quarrel? She was strong and she was brave. If Cullen didn't see it anymore, well... his loss. She would do what was required of her. With or without him. 

She spent some time in the bath tub, allowing herself this moment of relaxation. She knew she was going to need it later in the War Room. Facing Cullen's indifference wasn't going to be easy but she would endure it. It wouldn't break her. 

After she finished her bath and dressed herself, she was ready to get to work. Thinking about how strange it was to have some time to catch up with all the reports piling up on her desk, she snorted bitterly. Usually, she didn't have any time to look through them. Usually, she spent the morning after her return with Cullen. 

_Stop. Focus on work._ She thought strictly and started reading. 

Evelyn didn't manage to finish even the first letter when she heard a knock on the door. 

"It's open!" she shouted. 

"Inquisitor" she heard a man's voice and turned to face him. It was one of Cullen's soldiers, the one that interrupted their first kiss. "A message from the Commander" he said stiffly. 

She felt her heart beat louder and took a piece of paper from his hands. 

"Thank you" she said and the soldier walked away quickly. 

Evelyn fixed her gaze on the message, fearing its content. Her hand was trembling when she unrolled it and started reading. 

_Evelyn,_

_Can you meet me in my office? I need to talk to you. It's urgent._

_-Cullen_

The situation seemed to be more and more strange and Evelyn was determined to figure it out. She stood up and moved towards Cullen's office. 

\--- 

"You mean to tell me that Cullen, the man with whom we were drinking in the tavern not so long ago, the Commander of the Inquisition army... he attacked you?" Varric looked at Dorian as if the mage lost his mind. 

"Something is very wrong" Dorian repeated, still trying to figure out what was going on. 

He tried telling Evelyn what happened but she was already sleeping when he got to her chamber and knowing that she was extremely tired, he didn't have a heart to wake her. He decided to wait until the next day, hoping that maybe he would figure something out through the night but unfortunately, he still was clueless. He tried looking for some information in numerous volumes in the library, checking every lead he could get. Lyrium withdrawals, possessions, magical compendium... nothing, there was no answer. 

This magical tingling he had felt... it has been plaguing him for the whole night, forcing him to stay awake. He only managed to take short nap in the morning and when he woke up, he immediately decided to inform everyone about the events. 

"Maybe you're just exaggerating, Sparkler..." Varric started with a soothing voice but Dorian interrupted him harshly. 

"I'm not. We should tell everyone, the Commander is not all right, something's wrong with him and we have to help him. I am convinced of that. Will you help me?" he sounded irritated and he was, the lack of sleep getting on his nerves. 

"Help you with what?" they heard a familiar voice behind their backs and both of them turned around at the same time. 

"Sparkler here thinks that our dear Commander went mad overnight" Varric spoke up with irony. 

"Not mad" Dorian snapped. He felt so tired, he almost thought of giving up but then, he remembered Evelyn's tears. "Cullen has been acting strangely" he started and debriefed the situation. 

After Dorian stopped talking, Bull stayed silent for a moment, scrutinizing the mage. Dorian thought that if it wasn't for his enfeeblement, he would definitely blush under the Qunari's watchful eye. 

"Let's not waste time, then" the giant finally spoke and Dorian felt as if he lifted a part of the burden from his shoulders. 

"You serious, Tiny?" Varric asked in disbelief. 

"Dorian's not lying. If he says there's something wrong with Cullen, I believe him" Bull stated firmly and Dorian gave him a gentle smile. 

"Thank you" he choked silently and they moved to gather everyone in the War Room. 

\--- 

Evelyn was standing in front of Cullen's office and her whole body was shaking uncontrollably with nerves. She promised herself she would be strong. If he wanted to apologize, he would have to try very hard. If not, she would be cold and professional. But the closer she got to the door, the less confident she felt. 

_Come on, you can do it._ She thought and opened the door without knocking. 

The room was unusually dark and stuffy, as if Cullen hasn't even opened the door once since yesterday. Evelyn felt shivery and she had a strong premonition that something was awfully wrong. 

"Cullen?" she said hesitantly, immediately reprimanding herself for not using his title. Andraste, she was supposed to be professional and failed at the very beginning. 

There was nothing but silence as she entered the room and closed the door behind her. 

"A-are you here?" she asked, feeling the inexplicable claws of fear digging into her heart. Her breathing got a lot faster and she clenched her fists, trying to calm herself down. 

Suddenly, she felt a strong grip on her shoulder and tried to scream but at the same time, there was a hand on her lips, preventing her from giving out any sound. She was struggling to take a breath, unable to understand what was happening. 

"Don't fight. You'll make it worse" she heard his silent voice and her heart stopped beating for a second. 

Cullen. Her Cullen. He attacked her. 

She wanted to believe it wasn't true, it wasn't happening, not for real. But his strong hands held her tightly, causing her a lot of pain and it wasn't possible to deny it. He wanted to hurt her. Those were his calloused hands, keeping her firmly, his armor touching her back... but the scent... his scent was different. It wasn't the pleasant mixture of pine and armor oil. It was something... different. She didn't have time to think about what it was as panic grabbed her mind and she started scrambling. She tried screaming but it was muffled, too silent for anyone outside to hear her. 

"I said: stop fighting, bitch" he whispered to her ear. 

Then, she felt sharp pain at the back of her head and suddenly everything went dark. 

And she didn't feel anything.


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you mean 'he's gone'?" Josephine asked, crossing her arms and waiting for an explanation. 

"I checked his office, the training yard, the chapel - places where he usually dwells" Blackwall said patiently "I spoke with his soldiers. They haven't seen him since yesterday and they're worried. One of them told me that this morning he delivered a message to the Inquisitor written by the Commander and that's it. He's nowhere to be found" he concluded, shrudding his arms in a defeated gesture. 

"I told you something was wrong!" Dorian exclaimed, worry pouring over his whole body. 

They all gathered in the War Room. It was unusual but the situation was also unique. 

"Cole?" Solas turned towards the spirit boy "Can you hear him?" 

Cole looked at him and focused on his thoughts but after some time he simply shook his head. "No" he said "he's not here" 

"It's impossible!" Josephine screamed with panic "He couldn't have simply disappeared! Cullen is a reliable man, he wouldn't have left the Inquisition..." 

"Not voluntarily" Bull interrupted quickly. 

There was a moment of silence as everybody tried processing the information. They were terrified because they had no idea what was happening. Dealing with the unknown was something they should have been prepared to deal with, after all, they began with a huge Breach in the sky. _That_ certainly was something unknown. 

"Let's wait for the Inquisitor" Leliana spoke up from the corner of the room, convinced that her presence would lift up their spirits. They all believed strongly in her leadership and she always seemed to have a ready solution for any problematic situation. Yes, Evelyn would know what to do. 

Silence was interrupted by a large bang of opening the door, followed by Sera's footsteps. 

"I can't find her!" the elf shouted, waving her hands helplessly. 

"My dear, have you checked in..." Vivienne started but Sera didn't let her finish. 

"I'm not stupid, yeah? I checked _everywhere_! She's just disappeared!" 

"This is preposterous!" Josephine said "They are probably hiding somewhere together, trying to catch some moments for themselves, this is a waste of time..." 

"Cole?" Solas repeated his request, once again turning towards the boy. 

"I... I can't hear her. Why can't I hear her?" Cole seemed to be more distressed with his inability to hear Evelyn than with being unable to hear Cullen's thoughts. 

"I'm telling you for the last time!" Dorian suddenly yelled and everybody jumped in shock. Dorian wasn't known to lose his patience easily and even if he did, he wasn't the one to show it. But he just couldn't stand it anymore, couldn't stand that no one wanted to believe him. "This is serious! I know I'm this _bad mage from Tevinter_ but I am NOT lying!" 

Bull approached him silently and put his giant hand on the mage's shoulder. 

"I believe you" the Qunari said silently as everybody turned their eyes away. 

"What matters now is that we find both of them" Leliana stated, moving towards the table. "Solas, Cole and Warden Blackwall, please proceed to Inquisitor's chamber and search for any clues of her whereabouts. Bull, take Varric with you and do the same in Cullen's room. Sera, keep looking. For both of them. Dorian, you stay here and tell us everything you witnessed one more time. Perhaps together with Cassandra and Lady Vivienne we can come up with some reasonable explanation." 

She didn't have to tell them twice. They all dispersed quickly, everyone knowing their tasks and everyone hoping they would find the couple hiding in some remote corner of Skyhold, carelessly stealing some time only for themselves. 

Maker knows they were all eager to yell at them for letting them worry. 

\---

"She certainly doesn't know how to keep her space neat" Solas commented, staring at a huge pile of pieces of paper scattered on the desk along with all the unnecessary clutter. The elf sighed heavily, attempting to decide where to start. 

"I agree" Blackwall spoke up from the other corner of the room, looking at some pieces of her armor, thrown carelessly on the ground. 

They've been searching through her room, trying to find anything that would help them solve the mystery of her disappearance but there was nothing they could hang on to. 

 

Meanwhile, in another part of the stronghold, Varric picked something up from the floor and made a disgusted sound. 

"Uhm... I don't know how to put it so that it doesn't sound strange but... there is a dead bird here" he said, catching Bull's attention. 

"That's strange" Bull commented shortly, looking around the Commander's desk. It was extremely neat, everything put in order, even the reports were divided into even piles. Probably the ones which have been read, and the ones that... 

"Wait, this is also strange" Bull murmured seeing that the reports that were on the top were really old, dating back even to times when they were still in Haven. The most recent reports were at the very bottom. "It looks as if he was going through every report from the beginning of the Inquisition" 

"I know Curly loves his job but this is extreme. Why would he do that?" Varric asked and Bull just shrugged his arms, opening all the drawers and checking them carefully. He felt somewhat weird going through the Commander's personal belongings but if it served to help then he had no choice. Dorian swore that something was wrong, even though Bull understood very little from all his magical mumble jumble when he tried explaining the weird feeling he got after confronting Cullen. 

"Oh, shit" Bull's wondering was interrupted by Varric's voice and the dwarf quickly approach his giant friend, handing him a piece of paper. 

It was a note, slightly crumpled but legible. 

_Change of plans. Bring her here, alive._

Both Varric and Bull didn't know what to say as thoughts rushed through their confused minds. 

"Do you think he..." Varric started but Bull didn't let him finish, raising one of his hands up, signaling that he didn't want to hear the rest of the sentence. 

"We don't know yet. Let's get back to everyone, they should see it" he concluded and they left the room in a hurry. 

\--- 

Evelyn opened her eyes slowly, trying to figure out why she wasn't in her warm bed when reality hit her with all its power. She remembered everything but she wished there was a way to stay in the sweet state of unawareness. 

Cold wind was pinching her cheeks and her ribs hurt a lot. Cullen was holding her firmly as they rode a horse. She wanted to look into his face, make sure it was him but they were going really fast and she was afraid of falling down. There was a loud thumping in her head and she found it hard to concentrate. Tears welled up in her eyes, although she wasn't sure whether they appeared because of her despair, or simply because of the strong wind. 

Suddenly, Cullen stopped the horse. 

"Where are we?" she asked feebly but he didn't bother to answer as he violently pulled her off the horse and pushed her on the ground. Her body was weak and she fell on her knees, trying to calm her breathing down, feeling her teeth clanging loudly both with fear and coldness. 

Cullen tied the horse's rein to the nearest tree and then proceeded make a campfire. He didn't look at her once and Evelyn felt her heart shattering to thousand pieces. Was it really her Cullen? The same Cullen that promised her that he'd always be with her, that he'd be her shield, that he'd never hurt her or abandon her... What happened to him? 

"Cullen, where are you taking me?" she asked silently, trying to catch his attention, being far too weak to stand on her own. 

But he still kept silent, focused on the task at hand. 

"Cullen!" she screamed with all the power she had left "Talk to me!" 

At this, he finally looked at her and slowly stood up. His eyes were also different, just like his scent, Evelyn noticed. They were cold and ferocious. No trace of his usual kindness, of his constant worry, nothing. His eyes terrified her.   
He approached her slowly and then grabbed her hair and pulled them forcefully, making her whimper miserably. 

"It was better when you didn't talk" he gritted his teeth and then bent over to her ear "I would fuck you right here in this forest" she shivered at his words and her heart skipped a beat "But the Master said you should be alive. Don't worry, though. I will have you after he's done with you. You'll be my prize" 

"How can you do this to me?" she whispered in a weak and trembling voice. 

"Oh, just shut up" he just answered and pushed her on the ground again. 

Evelyn opened her mouth, trying to yell at him. She just realized how easily love can turn into hate. 

But she wasn't given a chance to speak as Cullen kicked her hard on the stomach, making her lose breath for a couple of seconds. 

After that, she was shaken by a strong hit on her head and as everything went dark again, she gratefully embraced the pervasive oblivion.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick and feel a bit dizzy from the medicine so if there are any stupid mistakes, please, please just forgive me! :)

The day was slowly turning into night but there was no time for rest in Skyhold. After several hours of frantic searching for the Inquisitor and the Commander everybody felt panic-stricken. They checked every corner of Skyhold. The couple simply disappeared. 

And the strange note that Bull and Varric found in Cullen's chamber. It definitely brought concern into their hearts as they were reading it over and over again, hardly believing what they were seeing. Everybody feared to express their opinion so they mostly stayed silent, repeating to themselves that it was simply impossible. 

It was impossible Cullen betrayed them. 

Neither Solas nor Vivienne could find an explanation for the Commander's bizarre behavior as well as for the strange tingling of magic Dorian described. Clueless as they were, they gathered once again in the War Room as the twilight faded. 

Josephine was pacing nervously around the room, helplessly wringing her hands, trying to think of someone that could help them solve the puzzle but nothing and noone came to her mind. They had to deal with it alone and it filled her heart with fear. 

Dorian was sitting in the corner, his face buried in his hands. He was utterly exhausted. Now, it was not only his lack of knowledge that bothered him but also the overwhelming feeling of guilt, crawling in his mind. He wasn't there for his best friend. Evelyn was gone and it was entirely his fault. If he acted faster, if he informed everybody straight away, if he woke her up yesterday... 

"We need to _do_ something, not just sit on our frigging arses..." Sera mumbled silently but even she was intimidated by the situation's gravity so she decided not to get on people's nerves. They were already on their edge. 

Suddenly, the door opened and Leliana walked into the room. Her pace was quick but she was confident, determined to face the challenge fate has thrown at her feet. She stood by the table and looked around the people gathered there. They were not only Evelyn's allies but also her friends and Leliana knew they would do anything to find her. As for Cullen... she actually didn't know what to think and decided not to make any hasty judgments for now. 

"My agents have been informed and instructed to keep their ears and eyes open. I will let you know if I find out anything. For now..." she hesitated "I think there's nothing else we can do here. We have to wait. I think we all should get some rest" 

Nobody dared to protest, hearing Leliana's leader-like tone and as they all dispersed to their usual places in Skyhold, they knew none of them was going to sleep this night. 

\--- 

Evelyn tried opening her eyes but her eyelids seemed to be extremely heavy. Exhaustion haunted her body and as she tried moving, she let out a silent whimper. 

"Ev-Evelyn?" she heard a familiar voice and she held her breath. She didn't want Cullen to be there. In fact, the thing she wanted to do the most was to escape from him and it terrified her. She couldn't believe anything that happened. Cullen hitting her, telling her horrible things... Has he ever loved her? Or was he pretending the whole time? Was she truly so naive that she fell for the trap he set for her? 

She intended not to look at him, thinking that it would be unbearable to see his change form again, his true personality that he's been hiding from her for such a long time. Maybe if she pretended to be unconscious, he would leave her alone? But she then realized her hands felt weird and it was very cold. Curiosity took best of her and she forced herself to look at her surroundings. 

It was a cold and a dark place. Stony walls were weeping and the weak light was coming from the torches. She was surprised to realize she was enchained to the wall and here hands were numb as they were tied up, causing the comfortless stiffness in her neck. 

"You're awake, thank the Maker" she heard Cullen's voice and quickly turned her eyes towards him, feeling even deeper shock at his sight. 

He was also chained to the wall, the same position as hers, hands up and kneeling on the ground. He was wearing something that once might have been called a shirt but now it was nothing more than a dirty piece of some material, torn in numerous places and stained with blood so much that it was difficult to tell what was the material's color. Countless bruises and wounds were covering his body, making Evelyn's heart weak. 

She didn't understand anything. If she was here, and he was here, too, then... 

"Where..." she started but her voice cracked and she stumbled upon her words. 

"I don't know where we are" he answered, staring at her as if she was some sort of sacredness for him. It confused her. Wasn't he trying to kill her last time she was conscious? This must be a part of his game. She won't be fooled again, not this time. 

"Don't lie to me" she whispered viciously, scowling at him angrily. He would never hurt her again, she was going to make sure of it. 

Cullen looked at her in dismay. He opened his mouth as if he was trying to say something but couldn't let out a sound. 

"Are you happy with yourself?" she continued "Your precious plan worked out? No, clearly you must have failed, you wouldn't be here if you succeeded. Your master's displeased, I take it?" she added, remembering his words in the forest. 

"Evelyn, what are you talking about?" Cullen asked, confused and utterly hurt at her words. She actually felt compassion for a short second but it disappeared very quickly. Just like her love for him. 

"You can stop pretending now, it's done" she said even more loudly, feeling fueled with her anger. 

"Evelyn, my love" he spoke quickly, a sudden realization appearing on his face and she shuddered at his words "Please, let me explain" 

"No!" she yelled and felt a sharp pain in her head. Her stiff body was loudly protesting her livid emotions but she was far too engrossed in her fury to stop. "You will never hurt me again! I hate you and I hope they'll kill you slowly!" she exclaimed with tears in her eyes. 

Cullen didn't get a chance to answer, although Evelyn caught a glimpse of deep hurt in his eyes. The door opened and someone walked into their small prison. 

The person approached her and stood in light and Evelyn knew she was never going to forget this moment. She thought she finally lost her mind and drowned in madness. 

There he was, standing right in front of her in his silver armor, wearing his red, furry cloak and scrutinizing her patiently. 

Cullen. 

_Another_ Cullen.


	6. Chapter 6

There was a quick knock on the door and the silence's of Josephine's room was interrupted by one of the servants entering and panting. 

"Lady Ambassador" the girl choked, trying to catch her breath "Sister Leliana... she asks you to come to her, upstairs, as soon as possible" 

"Of course" Josephine answered, standing up immediately and following the servant through the door "Did she find anything?" she asked, although she knew that it was rather impossible for a servant girl to give her any reliable answer. 

"I wouldn't know, my lady" the girl simply said and left. 

Josephine didn't waste any more time and turned towards Leliana's place. A glimmer of hope was born in her heart, telling her that perhaps Leliana's scouts learned something valuable, so when she reached her friend's room on the upper floor, Josephine could barely hide her nerves. 

The room was actually more crowded than usually. Leliana was standing near her desk, looking through the notes. Josephine noticed Dorian who was leaning against the wall and having his gaze fixed on a man who was standing between two Inquisition soldiers in the middle of the room. Cassandra was also present, impatiently pacing around the room. 

"You're here" Leliana turned to Josephine "Good. Then, we can start" 

"Start what?" Josephine asked and gave her a puzzled look. 

Leliana cleared her throat and approached the man who was now trembling and cowering. He was clearly terrified and Josephine had no idea what this could be about. 

"This man approached one of the Inquisition's outpost and claimed he had seen the Inquisitor and the Commander yesterday in the evening" Leliana stated. 

"What?" Josephine snapped. 

"Where?" Cassandra said at the same time. 

"Go on" Leliana approached the man although she didn't seem to be friendly at all. 

"Y-yes, my lady, right away, of c-course" the man stammered, glancing nervously at the guards "It was in the f-forest. To the north. I-I can show you, straight away, my lady!" he looked and the Spymaster almost as if he was trying to beg her. 

"That won't be necessary" Leliana answered, her voice cold as ice "Continue" 

"Right! Right, of course... I, uh, saw them... they were riding on one horse, then, they stopped, made some campfire, they wanted to eat something, I mean, probably, because they didn't stay there long. I mean... I knew it was the Herald because I saw her before and... well, after I saw what happened to her I thought people should know..." 

"What do you mean?" Dorian spoke nervously "What happened to her?" 

"Well... the man she was with, dear sir, he beat her. And hard, for what I've seen" 

They all held their breaths, trying to wrap their heads around what they've just heard. Cassandra was the first one to dare ask the question of which they were all afraid. 

"How do you know it was the Inquisition's Commander?" 

"I didn't" the man admitted, shifting from one foot to another "But I went to this outpost, the one with your flag and I told the soldiers what I saw, and I described the man with whom the Herald was" 

"His description matches the Commander" Leliana stated firmly. 

"That's preposterous!" Cassandra exclaimed, clearly having hard time believing the man's words "Cullen would never hit her!" 

"The only thing we have to debate now is whether we believe the story or not" the Spymaster told them firmly. 

"Why wouldn't we?" Josephine asked, approaching Leliana's desk. 

"He didn't tell you the whole thing" Leliana answered, scowling at their informer "While he was informing the soldiers about his discovery, he was also caught smuggling slaves to Tevinter" 

At her words, Dorian grimaced and turned his back to the smuggler. He didn't want to let his nerves loose and looking at the man's face might have triggered rage in the mage's mind as he has already been on the edge. 

"For what we know" Leliana continued "He might be lying to save his skin" 

"I-I'm not lying, I swear!" the man exclaimed terrified. 

"For what we know" Dorian finally spoke up, the memory of Cullen pointing his sword towards him still fresh in his mind "he might also be telling the truth" 

"I am! I am, I promise!" 

"Why did you decide to tell the Inquisition about what you've seen?" Cassandra asked, approaching the man quickly and grabbing his coat "You could have fled and no one would know what you were doing. Why bother?" 

"My l-lady..." the man whispered, lowering his head in shame "It... What I saw... The Herald of Andraste... I thought that maybe the Maker himself sent me on that path... to rescue her" 

"If you wanted to rescue her so badly" Dorian interrupted "Then why didn't you set her free?" 

"I couldn't! Dear sir, I didn't even have a weapon! And the knight... he had a huge sword. And an armor! The Maker..." 

"Such a pious person" Leliana snorted "and still you were trading slaves, trading lives! Do you think the Maker sent you to a smuggler's path as well?" 

"This matter can be resolved later" Josephine concluded "What we must decide now is whether we follow the lead or not" 

The silence was almost painful. All of them were struggling to make the right decision, to express the right opinion. If the lead was wrong they would waste time and resources. However, if the lead was correct they might just have a chance to save the Inquisitor. Maybe even the Commander? 

"I think we should check it" Cassandra finally said firmly, looking expectantly at Leliana. 

"I agree" Dorian added. 

Josephine simply nodded her head and awaited Leliana's decision. 

"We will" the Spymaster said after some time "But if it's a lie..." she started and gazed at the informer, letting the threat linger in the air. 

They had to try. 

\--- 

Cullen watched Evelyn's reaction closely, pulling the chains that kept him stuck by the opposite walls. It hurt. To be honest, every movement hurt him but at this point, he got used to it. Besides, from the moment he saw Evelyn brought to his cell, enchained at the other side of the room, he felt a new glimmer of hope. There was a reason for him to fight, not to give up. He had to do something to save her. He had promised to be her shield and he would keep his word, even if it meant him dying in the process. Cullen fully intended to atone for letting her down by getting kidnapped. He felt he should have been more careful, he should have done something to prevent this disaster... 

He remembered the kidnapping very well. The sun had begun setting down on the horizon and Cullen had just finished a game of chess with Dorian which, by the way, he had lost because all he could think of was Evelyn and the fact that she was going to come back the next day. His excitement had been reaching a ridiculous level as he had begun daydreaming about his beloved woman coming home from her mission. He had missed her so much it was impossible to explain. 

Ha had come back to his office, planning to finish off the rest of the reports and go to sleep. It hadn't been a long or a tiring day but Cullen had felt a headache lingering and waiting to strike so he had decided to just go to bed a bit earlier. 

They had attacked him when he had already been in his bed. Defenseless, without his armor or a weapon. Funny how at that exact moment he had managed to remember the question that Evelyn had asked him some time ago. _Commander, do you sleep in your armor?_ It had been fully intended as a joke and Cullen knew that but somehow he had managed to think of the irony. 

"C-Cullen?" he heard Evelyn voice, silent and terrified. He wanted to scream, to tell her everything, make her understand. The man standing in front of her wasn't him. 

There was no answer, only a vicious laughter coming from the usurper as he approached Evelyn and grabbed her cheeks. 

"Yeah, that's me" he said silently but loud enough for the real Cullen to hear "And after the Master's done with you, I'm going to fuck you until you beg me for death..." 

His words made Cullen's blood boil with rage. In fact, for a moment, rage was the only emotion he could feel. The thought of this monster touching Evelyn, hurting her... it was too much. 

"Leave her!" he yelled and tried getting up but the chains were too short. The only thing he could do was screaming and pulling the chains which only made his wrists hurt and bleed. 

The false Cullen quickly approached him and kicked him hard in the stomach. As he cowered involuntarily, he tried breathing again. 

"Don't worry" the pretender said, watching Cullen cringing with pain "You'll watch it" 

Cullen fixed his gaze on Evelyn, trying to concentrate on her instead of the pain he felt so intensively. 

"Don't you..." he panted "dare to touch her..." 

"That's hilarious!" Cullen heard the man's exclamation "You are threatening me? Really, hilarious!" he finished and punched him powerfully in the face. 

Cullen found it hard to keep his head up. He was exhausted, utterly exhausted. 

But Evelyn... he had to fight for her... 

He tried opening his eyes but they were so heavy. 

Somewhere, very far away from him, he heard Evelyn screaming his name.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so at the beginning I would like to explain that in previous chapters the fake Cullen was talking about "the Master" but at the last moment I decided it should be a Mistress so just bare that in mind, I will change it later. 
> 
> I had a lot of fun with making up all the names for this chapter :D 
> 
> Also, I know I have taken some liberty with potions, magic and maps here (and I'm also planning to do it in the following chapters) but I guess it just suits the story so why not, right? Sorry if you don't like it :)

"We split up here" Cassandra announced loudly to a small group gathered in front of her. It was very windy and Cassandra was grateful for an extra layer of clothes she wore under her armor. "Blackwall, you take Solas, Varric, Cole and Sera with you, and head to the Oakhollow Keep..." she continued but Sera interrupted her immediately. 

"No frigging way I'm going with that creepy... something" she said, looking at Cole and approached Cassandra "I wanna go with you" 

"Ugh, fine!" Cassandra snorted "We don't have time to argue" 

"It's all right, Cassandra" Blackwall spoke up "the Keep is much smaller, we'll manage. The Northwell Fortress is huge and if you encounter any form of resistance there you'll need all the strength you can get" 

"You're right" she nodded and then gathered her small team. "Let's go. May the Maker watch over us all" 

Back at Skyhold, they had decided with Leliana that it was had been worth checking. The information they had received from the slave smuggler seemed reliable enough to be worried. Leliana and Cassandra had decided that there were only two possible options, as in the area marked by their informer there were only two places to which Evelyn and Cullen could go. The smuggler told them the couple moved to northern direction, which meant that either they had to take a turn at some point or they reached the sea. If they took a turn, then it would be either to the left where Northwell Fortress was found not so long ago by Leliana's scouts, or to the right where they would find Oakhollow Keep. The latter has also been abandoned. However, if Evelyn and Cullen reached the sea... They had no desire to think about this option because it would mean both the Inquisitor and the Commander were lost to the Inquisition. Ships left no traces. 

As they followed their paths, fear and anxiety mixed in their minds. There were many unspoken questions and doubts. Will they find their friends at the end of their roads? Are they still alive? Perhaps this was a waste of time and the lead they were following was wrong. Or perhaps one of the groups was going to find and rescue them. 

One thing they knew for sure. They had to do something. They _had to_ try and save them both. 

\--- 

Evelyn couldn't understand what was going on. Her hands were numb and her cheek hurt from the punch she received from Cullen before he left the room. 

_No, wait... It wasn't Cullen. Not really. Or was he?_

It was too much for her. Convinced her eyes misled her, she tried very hard not to lose her mind. Was it even possible? Were there... two Cullens? 

She snorted bitterly at the idea. It was an absurdity. He never told her he had a twin. He would have told her if it was true. Maybe somebody simply cast a spell on her? Or on him? Maybe it was all just a nightmare? She noticed how many times she had hoped the reality to be a dream since she had returned from the Emerald Graves. 

Evelyn looked at Cullen, the real Cullen who was chained to the opposite wall. He had lost his consciousness after the fake Cullen beat him. Evelyn thought that it sounded really ridiculously. And it had also been ridiculous to watch. 

Suddenly, it hit her. It was Cullen. Her beloved Commander. He must have been tortured, his body was enough of a proof. He looked weak and it broke her heart. 

_This_ was him. Not that monster who kidnapped her. 

Relief washed over her but it was quickly replaced by panic. Where were they? Who was that man? And how, in the Maker's name, he managed to look exactly like Cullen? 

She noticed Cullen moving weakly and her heart skipped several beats. 

"Cullen?" she asked hesitantly. She remembered the bitter words she had told him before and she regretted them so much. 

"I'm... fine" he mumbled, slowly turning his head towards her and opening his eyes. 

Evelyn could no longer hide her tears and let them flow freely. They stung as the were flowing down her cheeks but it didn't matter. "Oh, Cullen..." she choked "I am so, so sorry..." 

"A-are you hurt?" he asked, slowly regaining full consciousness. 

"No, I'm fine. He didn't... I mean... he just beat me, he didn't touch me or anything... but Cullen, you... what happened to you?" she was throwing out words as quickly as possible as if she was afraid he was going to disappear. 

"It's nothing" he answered and at the same time he winced with pain as he tried moving a bit. 

"They tortured you, didn't they?" she said silently "Maker... who was that man?" 

Cullen looked at her and Evelyn saw he was hurting. Not physically, he would endure physical pain for as long as he had to. But she knew that this inability to save them was killing him. 

Evelyn wasn't given a chance to hear his answer as the door opened quickly with a loud bang. 

"Well, well, the Inquisitor, finally with us and finally awake" she heard a feminine voice. She saw two people entering the room and flinched as she noticed that one of them was the man pretending to be Cullen. 

"No!" the real Cullen yelled with all the power he had left in him "Don't touch her!" 

At his words, the pretender approached him and simply tied a dirty piece of cloth over Cullen's mouth, preventing him from saying anything more. The only sound that Cullen could make was a muffled scream. 

The other person that entered the room was a woman. She had long, black hair braided on one side. Her eyes were dark green and Evelyn thought that if anybody ever asked to describe the evil eyes, she would definitely point them to this woman. She was elegant and terrifying at the same time. Almost like Vivienne, the difference being that Vivienne was her ally and this woman clearly didn't have any good intentions towards her. 

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Inquisitor Trevelyan. I am Yveral Adney, at your service. And this is my faithful companion, James Duvivier" she said pointing to the man "However, you might have known him as Cullen Rutherford" she laughed and it made Evelyn feel shivers going down her spine. 

"What do you want from me?" Evelyn snapped, scowling at the couple. 

"Oh, nothing much, I assure you!" the woman exclaimed, still laughing "Just for you to give the Elder One what was his from the beginning. The Anchor, Inquisitor. You stole it. A very, very bad behavior from such a noble woman as yourself" 

Evelyn set her jaw and decided to stay silent. 

"You see, I thought that perhaps if you stole something so dear to Corypheus, I should steal something just as dear from you" the black haired woman explained, clearly enjoying being in the center of attention. Evelyn noticed how her companion stared at her with pure adoration and it made her sick. "At first, I thought it would be best to weaken your army. Good idea, right? Without an army you would be defenseless and it would be much easier to get to you" Yveral approached the real Cullen and put a hand on his cheek. He tried turning his face away from her, scowling at her angrily and breathing heavily but she just gently caressed his cheek. "And so I sent my best people to get the Commander of the Inquisition army. Oh, such a handsome man, really. If I had known he was so good looking I would have sent for him sooner!" she laughed viciously and stroked Cullen's hair. 

"Leave him alone" Evelyn snapped and cursed in her mind as she felt unable to keep her feelings at ease. Yveral laughed again and Evelyn thought that she was really getting tired of her pathetic laughter. 

"Oh, don't you worry, my poor, little Inquisitor" she said mockingly "As you can see, I've created my own Cullen Rutherford" she said and approached her companion. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she turned to Evelyn once again. "You see, there is a certain potion. You drink it and it turns your looks to a completely different person. If you add a part of the person's body it would make of you the exact copy. Don't worry, Inquisitor, we only used your precious Commander's hair. I would never hurt such a strikingly handsome man. Well, not before I used him, anyway" 

Evelyn listened to her carefully as she finally was hearing the answers for which she was waiting. She didn't let her eyes off Yveral, observing her closely. 

"The potion is long forgotten by most. Many years ago it was used in Tevinter but it caused too much trouble and they decided to ban it. Such a shame, really..." Yveral sighed and started readjusting her long dress. "But I'm digressing, I apologize!" she exclaimed and continued her story "The plan was to plant a clone in the Commander's stead. And then, he would kill everyone who could stand in our way to you, brilliant, isn't it? Nobody would expect such horrible, horrible things from their precious Commander" she mocked sadness and Evelyn grimaced. The woman would be a terrible actress, that was for sure. "But then, we found out the two of you are actually involved in a romantic relationship! Can you imagine? Such fraternization, such a scandal... Brilliant, simply brilliant!" Yveral kept exclaiming with exaggeration "And no wonder, my dear, no wonder you fell for such a handsome man" 

Cullen was constantly trying to set himself free, giving out muffled screames filled with anger, although Evelyn knew it was pointless. Even if he managed to escape his chains, he stood no chance against their enemies. Not alone and weakened. 

"So I decided to use it against you. I figured that killing everyone in Skyhold would take some time, wouldn't it? You've gathered quite a group there. So I simply ordered James to bring you here. How did it feel?" she asked, facing Evelyn "To be betrayed by your lover... oh, it must have been heartbreaking, tell me everything! Did he break your precious heart? Little Inquisitor feeling depressed because her lover appeared to be a traitor? Is that how you felt?" she asked, bending over to Evelyn, facing her so close she could feel her breath on her cheeks. 

Evelyn realized that Yveral clearly expected her to answer and it made her angrier if it was even possible. 

"Fuck you" she snapped and spit right on her face. 

A couple of things happened at the same time. Yveral let out a disgusted sound and backed away from Evelyn as James swung his fist and hit the Inquisitor right in her face. For a moment, everything went black and the only thing she could hear was Cullen's muffled screaming, which surprisingly became louder. 

"Don't kill her!" Yveral yelled, wiping out spit from her cheek "Not while she has the Anchor!" 

James also backed away from her and he approached Yveral but she waved her hand at him, signaling that she didn't need his assistance. 

"Enjoy your life as long as you can, Inquisitor" Yveral gritted through her teeth "We found a way to seperate you from the Anchor and this time Corypheus will win. That stupid Alexius might have failed but _I_ am going to succeed" she added and left the room quickly. James followed her immediately and closed the door. 

Evelyn noticed they left Cullen with a piece of cloth in his mouth. She wanted so much to just walk to him, to hug him and caress him. To take care of his wounds, kiss him, make him forget all the monstrosities he witnessed here. 

And she burst into tears as she realized they were both going to die here.


	8. Chapter 8

"Dorian, look out!" Cassandra yelled as she noticed an assassin jumping out from the shadows behind the mage's back. He turned around but it was far too late for him to dodge the attack or to put up a barrier. Dorian was prepared for pain and decided not to close his eyes. He had to be brave, had to prove that some people from Tevinter were brave enough to stand and fight against the evil. Brave enough to fight for their friends. Just as the assassin swung his dagger, Dorian was pushed away by a strong force and he saw the Iron Bull dragging his great sword through the assassin's body, leaving the man lifeless. 

"That was close" Bull commented the whole situation, wiping his weapon with a piece of cloth, knowing that Vivienne was observing him closely. 

The lead was correct. They've encountered resistance. At first, they thought that these were simple bandits but after they recognized Venatori mages, they knew something was not right. Sera was sent ahead to eavesdrop anything useful and she came back with glowing cheeks, saying that she'd heard them talking about the Herald of Andraste being kept in the Fortress. Hearing the news, they felt a new wave of strength filling their hearts. 

"We have to proceed, quickly" Cassandra said and everybody moved forward, hoping they would find Evelyn soon. 

\--- 

Evelyn had no idea how long they were being kept in the cell. She was exhausted and she dreamed of being able to put her hands down. Cullen couldn't even speak to her which made everything even worse. She wanted to speak with him, wanted to hear his sweet voice telling her that everything was going to be all right. Instead, she had to be the strong one. 

"Don't worry" she whispered whenever she saw that Cullen has regained his consciousness. At that point, he was so weak that Evelyn began worrying that he was not going to make through another minute. "They're going to come for us, somebody is going to save us" she repeated over and over again but with every passing second she started realizing it was impossible. Nobody knew where they were, nobody knew about the usurper. "Just stay with me, we're going to make it" she said although she didn't believe it. They were not going to make it. From the moment she woke up after the explosion, from the moment she looked at that mark on her hand she knew she was not going to make it. But she never wanted to take Cullen down with her. He deserved to live, deserved to be happy after all he's been through and she just couldn't give it to him. It was her fault he was now balancing between life and death, if she had been more reasonable, if she hadn't asked him to speak to her on the stupid battlements, if she hadn't fallen in love with him... 

Suddenly, the door opened again and Evelyn was blinded by a strong light coming from the torch. Several people came into the room, one of them being the fake Cullen. Evelyn hated the fact that he still looked exactly like Cullen. 

"Move" he snapped at the soldiers who accompanied him "We're taking her to the Grand Hall" 

The real Cullen started pulling his chains and giving out muffled screams. 

_Hush, my love._ She thought, looking at him sorrowfully. _You have to save your strength. It's going to be fine._

Her heart started beating faster as she realized the meaning of this. They were going to finally deal with her. She wondered if this was going to hurt. Is death painful? 

Two of the soldiers approached her and unchained her. She felt a stinging pain in her hands as she finally was able to put them down. They knew what they were doing. She was now far too weak to fight. They grabbed her hands and dragged her towards the door. 

"Looks like your Commander's got something to tell us" the pretender stated, contemptuously observing Cullen's efforts. "Why don't we hear him? This might be even interesting" he quickly moved towards Cullen and untied the piece of cloth that was blocking his mouth. 

Cullen started breathing heavily and he coughed several times before he was ready to say anything. "Take me... instead" he panted, looking at his clone with pure hate. 

"Pathetic" the man snorted but then he remained silent for a couple of seconds. 

Evelyn fixed her eyes on Cullen. Her heart shattered to thousands pieces when she heard his words. He was ready to give his life for her, even after all he's been through, even if it was all her fault. 

"Fine. There will be a place for you, too, Commander" the usurper finally spoke, signaling the soldiers his consent to unchain the prisoner. 

She wanted to scream. Tell them to leave him be. Beg them for his life. But she knew her words didn't matter. 

They were dragged through hallways and Evelyn was trying to memorize the road but she soon got lost in the labyrinth of corridors. From time to time, she heard Cullen's silent whimpers and it made her her heart beat loudly. 

_Please, Maker._ She prayed in her soul. _Please, let mi die first._

She knew her prayers were selfish but she couldn't help them. Cullen's life was the only thing that was keeping her sane. 

When they entered yet another room, she knew immediately that this was a Grand Hall. The ceiling was high and fretted with Tevinter ornaments. The Hall was almost empty with only one person sitting on the throne by the opposite wall. The person whom Evelyn recognized at once. 

"Inquisitor!" Yveral exclaimed, standing up from her throne and approaching her slowly. "Welcome! It is so good to finally greet you here, in the Grand Hall! After all, such dignified guests should be welcomed properly, don't you think?" she said and turned to face Cullen. "And I see you brought your noble lover with you, how generous of you! Indeed, he should see the things we've prepared for you!" 

Evelyn was sick. Sick of this place, sick of Yveral's theatrical attitude, sick of her sarcasm and sick of waiting. All she wanted was to finally have it done. 

"Forgive my soldiers, they don't know how to behave in the presence of such an important guest as yourself. Release her!" she ordered and Evelyn felt the iron grip on her arms loosened but she was too weak to stand on her own. She fell down on her knees and leaned on her weak hands. She hissed with pain. 

"See, my little Inquisitor" Yveral started speaking again as she walked around Evelyn "But it's not their fault they treat you like an enemy. You stole something from our leader and we do not tolerate thieves" 

At these words, she grabbed Evelyn by her hair and pushed her up. Evelyn whimpered and clenched her fists. 

"I've got here something for you" Yveral said, her voice dripping with sweetness. Then, she showed Evelyn a small vial with an acid green liquid inside and Evelyn felt confused. Was this their plan? Was she going to make a clone of her, too? 

"You wanna know what it does?" Yveral asked, pulling Evelyn's hair even harder but at the same time the woman didn't stop smiling sweetly. "It's a potion that will seperate you from the Anchor" 

At her words, Evelyn's stomach flipped. Of course, the Anchor. She shuddered as she remembered Corypheus's attempts at taking the Anchor away from her back at Haven and the pain she felt at that time. Is this going to be worse? 

"I made it myself, you see, I'm quite skilled in alchemy" the woman continued, now gently caressing Evelyn's neck "It's a simple potion, normally it would only neutralize any magical effects one has on its body. But not this one. This one is much stronger, designed strictly for the Anchor. It's going to hurt a bit and it probably will kill you. But I assure you, it _will_ work" 

Evelyn slowly closed her eyes. She still remembered what the future will hold for Thedas if she doesn't defeat Corypheus. The memory still haunted her, filling her nights with horrible nightmares but at the same time making her stronger, making her remember she had to fight to save all of her friends. So she decided she wasn't going to give up her fight so easily. 

"Now, just open your pretty mouth and drink it like a good girl" Yveral said silently to her ear and moved the vial towards Evelyn's lips. 

Evelyn shut her mouth. She was determined not to drink the potion, she would die first. The Anchor was her only weapon against Corypheus and his rifts. She would not give up. 

She had to fight for Thedas. For all of her friends. 

"You're not going to behave, are you?" Yveral said viciously "I think I have a remedy for that" 

She pushed Evelyn's head so that she was facing Cullen and when Evelyn saw him, she froze. One of the soldiers was holding a knife to Cullen's neck. Cullen winced with pain. 

"Do you want to watch your beloved Commander die?" Evelyn heard the woman's voice next to her ear "We will spare him, we will let him go, all you have to do is drink this potion" 

"No!" Cullen finally screamed with despair in his voice "Don't do it, don't drink it!" 

But she just smiled at him and felt tears welling up in her eyes. The fight was lost. The trap was well-placed and it worked perfectly. She thought about all her friends and everything they went through together. About the pranks with Sera, about the Wicked Grace with Varric, endless discussions with Solas and drinking with Bull. About practicing with Cassandra, gossiping with Dorian, sparring with Blackwall and helping Cole help others. About Josephine and Leliana and their constant gossiping around the corners, constant arguments over the War Table and constant teasing. About Cullen... about the life they could have had, their marriage, their children, their happiness. 

She thought about all their faces when she parted her lips and felt cold glass touching her lower lip, allowing only a single tear fall down her cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

Helplessness took over his body and for the first time in his adult life he wanted to cry. He wanted to let the tears flow because there was nothing he could do. Nothing but watch Evelyn drink the potion which would take away their only chance to survive and defeat Corypheus. The potion which would likely kill her. 

Cullen wondered if there had been anything he could have done differently that would have saved them from the situation in which they found themselves currently. Although his logic told him that there was nothing, his heart still blamed him for failing. 

He watched Evelyn emptying the vial and he could have sworn his heart stopped beating, waiting for anything that was going to come next. 

But nothing happened. Evelyn leaned on her hands but she was doing that before. It was caused by her exhaustion, not by the poison. She wasn't coughing, wasn't suffocating, trembling or screaming. Just... nothing. 

He looked at her and allowed himself a bit of relief. Maybe the potion wasn't working? Maybe Yveral prepared it incorrectly? 

"What... Why..." the woman choked, looking expectantly at Evelyn, fear showing in her eyes. 

"Mistress, no!" Cullen heard his own voice but it didn't come from his mouth. It was his clone screaming with horror painted all over his face. 

In the nick of time, her fear was replaced by an utter shock when Yveral gave out a weak scream and looked at an arrow protruding from her chest. 

"Eat that, bitch!" Cullen heard another familiar voice and at that moment he thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world. When Yveral fell down on her knees, as lifeless as the grave, he could see Sera standing at some distance, taking out the next arrow from her quiver and immediately looking for another target. But she hesitated when she saw the familiar red mane cloak quickly approaching the dead woman. 

Suddenly, the stillness changed into a commotion of fight. Cullen felt the grip on his arms loosen and he heard Bull's low voice next to his ear. 

"You all right?" 

He looked around and saw the giant Qunari dragging his sword through the soldiers' bodies. Then, he heard Cassandra's furious and bloodcurdling scream. 

"It is your fault! How could you betray us?!" she yelled, swinging his sword towards his clone. Cullen assumed the Seeker hasn't seen him yet and simply thought that the man was him. Well, it was easy to be mistaken, the man looked _exactly_ like him. 

The pretender didn't wait for a death strike and he quickly drew his sword. They started fighting and it was fierce and unstoppable. Cassandra seemed determined to kill her opponent as her pain was greater than any sympathy she might have yet had for her friend. 

Cullen thought it was the strangest feeling ever. Watching himself fighting to death with one of his closest friends. 

"Evelyn, are you all right?" he heard Dorian's loud exclamation and he immediately turned towards her. He could hardly believe the potion didn't work. Could that possibly be true? 

"C-Cullen..." she choked silently and grabbed the mage's arm. 

"Forget about him, _he_ did this to you!" Dorian answered angrily, trying to help her to stand up. 

"No..." she said strenuously "Cullen" she repeated his name and finally managed to turn around to face him. She let go of her friend's robes and tried walking up to him and when Cullen saw her determined effort to reach him, he also tried to stand up and get close to her. He might have been weak, might have been on the edge of falling into a blissful unconsciousness but it all ceased to matter when he fixed his gaze on Evelyn. 

Dorian and Bull were standing near the couple and they just stood there, unable to move, their mouths open wide in shock. Suddenly, they jumped with surprise when they heard Cassandra's scream. The scream which carried both triumph and regret. They turned around only to see her dragging her sword through her opponent's chest. 

And the opponent was Cullen. And they were also looking at Cullen almost crawling towards Evelyn. 

"Shit" they heard Varric's silent comment as the dwarf approached them slowly. 

With the rest of his strength, Cullen finally embraced Evelyn and felt as if he touched the heaven itself. She was sobbing silently but he could finally touch her, stroke her hair, kiss her and for a moment he thought his heart was going to explode with a surfeit of emotions that rushed through his body. 

"You're alive" he whispered and tilted her face so that he could look at her. "The potion didn't work, you're fine" he repeated over and over again, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. 

"Maker" he heard Cassandra's terrified voice as she also joined the group, along with Sera who for the first time in her life didn't know what to say. 

Nothing mattered. Nothing but his Evelyn being safe and well. 

"Cullen" Evelyn whispered, caressing his cheek and suddenly wincing "I'm sorry" 

"What?" he asked, confused with her words "What do you mean? You don't have to be sorry, everything is fine now, we can go home" he mumbled nervously. 

"No, Cullen" she answered weakly "The potion... it worked. I feel it" 

"What are you talking about? What potion?" Dorian inquired alarmed, snapping out of his sudden paralysis. 

"No..." Cullen whispered horrified "No, no, no, don't say that, you're fine, this can't be..." 

And then, he noticed. Noticed that her trembling was not caused by her crying but by pain. Noticed how she was desperately clinging to his hands, how she was wincing. How her mark was pulsing with green light. 

"No, please" he whispered, feeling as if he was on the edge "Please, stay with me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! That was difficult to write. Basically because I wasn't sure whether this part should be with Cullen's or Evelyn's point of view but I hope I made the right decision in the end :)


	10. Chapter 10

"What is going on?" Sera finally asked regaining the ability to speak, looking at Cullen cradling Evelyn in his arms as he mumbled his words of denial. "Why is she crying? I don't like it, stop crying, we killed the bad men and we're all good, yeah? Or..." she hesitated, glancing at dead bodies behind her "They were bad men, right? I mean, you're you?" she asked looking expectantly at the Commander. 

"She's right, you have to tell us what is going on" Varric added with confusion. 

"What is the potion you're talking about?" Dorian inquired once again, approaching Cullen and reassuringly putting a hand on his arm. 

"There's no time..." Cullen mumbled, looking at them with despair painted all over his face. 

They all just realized how exhausted he was. They noticed his body was covered in countless bruises and wounds, some healed, some still fresh. Dark circles around his tired, reddened eyes were darker than usual and as he pitched back and forward, clinging to Evelyn's body, they also noticed tears slowly welling up in his eyes. Seeing Cullen Rutherford, a strong warrior, the Commander of the Inquisition army ready to cry left them in a state of utter shock. If this man was ready to shed tears, the situation must have been grave. But in order to help, they needed to know what had happened. 

"Cullen" Cassandra spoke, kneeling next to him, trying to wrap her head around the fact that no longer than a couple of minutes ago she had killed him and somehow she ended up looking at him and he was alive. "You need to tell us what had happened. We have to now so that we can do something" 

Cullen turned his eyes towards her and Cassandra thought that these were the eyes of a man who was ready to just break down and never stand up on his own again. 

Something had to be done and quickly. 

"The potion..." he said "She drank the potion. It's a poison, it's killing her. It's taking away the mark. There is no antidote. She made the potion herself, there's no cure" he mumbled, still clinging to Evelyn as if his mere embrace was enough to keep her alive. 

"Who made the potion, Cullen?" Cassandra asked confused. 

"The woman. The one that Sera shot" he explained and once again turned his gaze towards Evelyn. 

"We'll find the antidote" Cassandra said firmly and stood up, looking at her companions "Dorian and Bull, you go to the left, search through every corner of this place, every room, look for anything that could help us. Sera, you stay here and guard them. If there's any danger, you will protect them and you will scream as loudly as possible so that we can hear you. Varric, with me, quickly" she gave the instructions hurriedly but firmly. 

They didn't hesitate, didn't falter for a second and dispersed into their own directions, only Sera standing near Cullen and Evelyn, observing the surrounding carefully as if there were demons waiting to attack them, hiding behind the pillars. 

They had to do something, anything that would keep the Inquisitor alive and it was not only about the fact that without her, without the mark on her hand, all Thedas would be lost. Evelyn was their friend and they would do anything to keep her alive. 

\--- 

At first, the pain was far and distant. The potion was bitter and it left an unpleasant taste on her tongue. At first, she thought that perhaps it wasn't designed well enough to work properly and maybe, just maybe she had a chance to survive this. However, as she was leaning on her hands, the pain was slowly becoming stronger. As if something very sharp had been put into her throat and was moving slowly towards her stomach, tearing her body apart from the inside. 

After she had managed to reach Cullen, the pain had already been bad. But she kept the screams off, hoping to save Cullen and her friends, who appeared so suddenly at her side, from hearing her painful whimpers. She didn't want to make it worse than it had to be. Evelyn knew she was going to die and it was going to be a slow and painful death. The one that everybody is afraid of at least once in their lifetime. She could have expected that faith would finally stop playing nice with her. She survived the Conclave, survived Haven, survived the time travel. There had to be a line somewhere and she just deeply regretted she wasn't going to be given a chance to save all of them. 

Varric was right. The stories don't end well for the heroes. 

She desperately clung to Cullen's arms, trying to control her movements, being able only to whisper a clumsy apology to him. She couldn't choke another word as the pain was getting sharper and sharper. They gathered around her, she saw their faces but it was all a blur and she couldn't understand what they were saying. She wished she had a chance to say goodbye to everyone. She was going to miss them terribly. 

Suddenly, the pain turned into agony and she was no longer able to control it. A horrifying roar pushed past her lips but releasing it didn't help. Her insides were burning, pulsing with an excruciating torment. She wanted to die. She wanted to beg Cullen, her sweet Cullen to take his sword and drag it straight through her heart, cutting her suffering short but she couldn't give out any coherent sound, only agonizing screaming. 

She felt strong tingling in her arm coming from the Anchor. She realized it was slipping away from her, trying to separate itself from her body in a most violent way possible. The Anchor which she hated from the beginning, forced upon her without her consent and knowledge and which now she desperately needed to stay on its place. It was the only thing that could save her, save all of them. 

So she clenched her fists and started fighting. She wasn't done and she would be damned if she gave up. Somewhere at the back of her head she heard words, sentences spoken to her by different people at different times. Words of reassurance, of blind belief in her ability to protect them. She couldn't fail all those people, just couldn't. 

As she started fighting to keep the Anchor on her hand, the pain got even worse. Evelyn hadn't realized before that it was possible for one person to feel such a raging pain. It was unendurable but she knew she had to endure. So she clenched her fists even harder as her body bucked against the cold floor, as her back arched and her eyes rolled back, as her hands thrashed uncontrollably. 

And suddenly, it weakened. The pain didn't stop but it wasn't as torturous as a moment before. The Anchor still burned but it stopped trying to leave her so eagerly. It wasn't over, Evelyn knew it. The fight was not over but she wouldn't stop fighting. 

Even if it was supposed to be the last thing she'd do in her life.


	11. Chapter 11

The corridors were long and dark, only dim light coming from the torches and Dorian had a strange impression that nobody had been using most of the rooms for a long time. However, he didn't have time to think about such things as he frantically looked through every closet, every drawer, every chest he found. His mind was occupied with only one thought. Find something that would keep Evelyn alive. 

They heard her bloodcurdling screams all the time. She started shortly after they left and continued ever since. Dorian never wanted anything more in his life than to stop her screaming. She suffered, he couldn't help it and it was killing him. For the first time in his life he had found a person that liked him for him. A person that didn't judge him and accepted him fully. And he wasn't going to allow this person to die. 

Bull was accompanying him and if the situation had been any different, Dorian would have been thrilled to have a chance to be alone with the giant. In some of the rooms they had found single soldiers attempting to fight them and the mage was grateful he had such a strong warrior by his side. 

"Anything, please, anything..." he mumbled under his nose, scattering meaningless pieces of paper he had found on a desk. 

"Dorian" he heard Bull's steady voice but didn't react. He knew exactly what his friend wanted to tell him. It was the last room and they found nothing. His hands were trembling nervously as he checked the drawers yet again. 

"There must be something, a recipe, instructions, notes, a journal..." he was still muttering breathlessly and then, he heard it. Silence. 

No screaming, no desperate, tormenting howling. Nothing. 

A couple of minutes ago he would have given everything he'd ever had to hear the silence but when it came, he realized with horror it wasn't really a good sign. 

"She stopped" he said, staring at Bull, feeling as if he was paralyzed, waiting for some kind of reassurance that everything was all right, that her silence didn't necessarily mean she stopped breathing but the Qunari was just looking at him with deep sadness in his one eye. 

"No" Dorian continued but he was talking more to himself than to anybody else "This isn't true. This can't be true. She is strong. And she's stubborn, she wouldn't just give up!" 

In one swift move, Bull approached Dorian and embraced him strongly. 

"Calm down. We don't know what happened there. And you're right, Boss _is_ strong, she _will_ survive this" he said but deep down he realized he just lied. Bull didn't believe it was possible for them to ever see Evelyn smiling at them again. "It was the last room" the Qunari spoke up after some time "Let's go. Cassandra and Varric must have had better luck" 

\--- 

"I'm telling you, Seeker, there is nothing here" Varric nagged once again, mindlessly looking through a chest he had opened. There was nothing but rubble inside but he had to keep his hands busy in order to keep his thoughts away from the terrifying screaming they were constantly hearing. Varric wondered if he had ever heard any sound that could match Inquisitor's roaring but nothing came to his mind and he decided it was definitely the worst noise in his life. He would give anything to never hear it again. 

"It's a laboratory" Cassandra snapped angrily "If there's anything in this Maker forsaken fortress it must be here" 

Varric agreed with her but they had already checked the room twice, ignoring the rest of the rooms. They should at least try to look through the rest, what if there was something somewhere else, waiting to be discovered and they simply were wasting time here? 

He observed Cassandra for a couple of minutes and although her facial expression was as hard and impenetrable as ever, there was something that seemed odd to him. It seemed that Cassandra was trying to conceal her nervousness and was doing worse then usually. 

"Seeker" Varric spoke up, concerned with what he noticed "Are you all right?" he asked. She did kill one of her closest friends no longer than several minutes ago and then found out that it wasn't really him. Varric couldn't wrap his head around the events that occurred but he thought that Cassandra probably got the worst of it. She was the only one who didn't hesitate to kill Cullen. 

"Of course I'm not" she answered, still looking through some notes she had found "Our leader is dying and we don't know why. How could I possibly be 'all right'?" 

"We'll find out why" he immediately said, knowing that it was exactly what Cassandra needed to hear at that moment "But she's not only our leader. She's our friend, isn't she?" he added, lowering his head. 

It was true. She was their dear friend, bringing sunshine in their lives with her kindness and love. They couldn't lose her. 

"I don't understand any of the words here" Cassandra said irritated, pointing to the piece of paper she was holding in her hand. 

"Let me see" Varric approached her quickly and took the notes from her. He actually could recognize some of the symbols and he felt a weak glimmer of hope being born in his heart. But before he could say anything, Cassandra grabbed his arm and squeezed it forcefully. 

"She stopped screaming" the Seeker stated, sounding as if she wasn't sure whether it was good or bad news. 

"Let's go" he answered quickly, moving towards the door "I think you found what we need" 

\--- 

Cullen could no longer hold her tightly when she started thrashing violently because he was too weak. Cursing his inability to do more, he desperately gripped her wrists and tried keeping her hands still. The mark on her hand was pulsing with an acid green light and it seemed there were some sounds coming out from it but all of them were drowned out by Evelyn's horrid howling. Feeling a heavy burden growing on his heart each time a scream pushed past her lips, Cullen thought that he would give anything to switch places with her. He would suffer the pain for her and it would have been a small prize for her life. 

"What's going on?" Sera approached them quickly and although she definitely was dismayed, she grabbed Evelyn's head between her hands and attempted to keep it steady. "Why is she screaming? Stop screaming, Inky, you're terrifying us, you hear?!" she exclaimed, trying to be louder than Evelyn. 

_Maker, don't take her away from me._ Cullen thought as he observed her beautiful face grimacing with pain. _I'm begging you._

And as he fixed his gaze on her, he felt the world suddenly slowed down and time stood still. The sound of her torment was still reaching his ears but it was as if he was hearing it through some invisible barrier. He still held her wrists with any power that was left in him but suddenly, there was nothing else in the world but Evelyn. Only her perfect body, laying on the cold floor, wordlessly begging for mercy. 

He thought about their life together. What would have happened if they hadn't been who they were? What if he hadn't been the Commander, an ex-templar, what if he had stayed with his parents and led a quiet life on the farm? Would they ever meet? He doubted that faith would be so generous to cross the paths of a farmer and a daughter of a noble family but he was still hoping. Hoping that somewhere, in some other life they would have had a chance to be happy together, take a quiet wedding and have a bunch of beautiful and smart children. A chance to watch them grow up and start their own lives. A chance to die together in their warm bed, all wrinkled and old, holding hands and having only good memories, surrounded by their loving family. 

It was silence that brought him back to reality. 

"She stopped. Why did she stop?" Sera shouted, gently shaking Evelyn's head. "Don't die here, you can't do this to us!" 

For a moment, Cullen thought it was over and he would finally be able to just give up. But he reached to her face to caress it one last time and he noticed her chest slowly raising up and down. 

She was still breathing. It wasn't over. 

"What's going on?" he heard Bull's concerned voice and saw him enter the room, Dorian following him quickly. 

"Is she..." the mage started but wasn't able to finish his question. 

"No" Cullen answered, looking at them expectantly "She lives. Did you find anything?" 

But the two men simply lowered their heads and said nothing. Dorian knelt near Evelyn and gently stroked her hair. Then, he tried casting some healing spells but he had never been a good healer and his spells were lousy. 

Nothing. They had found nothing. The only hope they had left was in Cassandra and Varric. 

As soon as Cullen thought about the couple, they showed up at the other side of the room. 

"What is it?" Cassandra asked, gazing at all of them gathering around Evelyn's body with their faces painted with misery and she was sure the worst had already come. 

"She lives" Bull quickly added, noticing Cassandra's horror "Did you find anything?" he repeated the question that Cullen had asked them before. 

"I believe so" Varric spoke up, showing them a pile of some notes. He wasn't entirely sure it was what they were looking for but all he could do was to trust his gut feeling. "But I'm afraid we can't understand much of it" he admitted and glanced towards Dorian. 

"Give it to me" Dorian snapped and quickly stood up. 

He looked over the notes quickly and felt a blissful rush of relief. That was _it_. 

"Yes" he mumbled, turning the pages again and again "I could... it's a complicated potion but I think I could try to reverse it. To create an antidote" he then turned his eyes toward his companions and he saw the same feeling of relief in their faces. "I'll explain later, we have to go now. Quickly" 

Without a word, Bull approached Cullen and put a hand on his arm. 

"You hear that, Commander? Boss is going to be fine but we have to take you to Skyhold. Actually, you look like you need help, too" he added with concern "Are you sure you can stand on your own?" 

But Cullen no longer heard him. All he could think about was that there still was a chance for him and Evelyn to live and love. As reprieve poured all over his body, he suddenly felt extremely weary. 

_Thank the Maker._ He thought and it was the last thought he was able to produce before he slipped into unconsciousness.


	12. Chapter 12

Cullen opened his eyes and looked around the room, confused with the surroundings. Dark and cold walls were replaced with warm light and big windows, through which sunlight came in freely, making his eyes narrow. He felt his muscles being sore as he sat up on the bed, slowly recognizing the interior to be the infirmary but he couldn't remember how he'd ended up here. Rubbing his forehead, he closed his eyed and tried concentrating. 

Pain, kidnapping, his clone, Evelyn, the potion... 

It all hit him suddenly and he jumped out of the bed very quickly, grabbing his shirt which was hanging on a chair. Questions accumulated in his mind. How long was he unconscious? Is Evelyn alive? Did they find a way to craft an antidote? He needed answers more than anything at that moment and although he faltered a bit with his first steps, he didn't stop. Cullen had to see Evelyn. 

He shuddered when he subconsciously imagined the worst. What if she was already dead and he wasn't there when she was drawing her last breath? What if he was unconscious so long that the Inquisition buried her deep in the ground and he didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, to look at her one last time? What if... 

He reached the door and at the same time he put his hand on a door handle, somebody opened them from the other side. 

"Commander?" he heard a concerned voice and he saw a healer standing in his way "You're up?" the woman looked shocked "You shouldn't be up! You need rest. Get back to the bed, please" 

"How long was I out?" he asked, ignoring her instructions and making a step towards the door. 

"The party arrived only yesterday" she explained, crossing her arms "We didn't expect you to wake up until tomorrow at best. You were badly injured and you _need rest_ " she glared at him. 

Her words meant that Cullen has been unconscious only for one, maybe two days, he didn't remember anything from the journey to Skyhold. He tried to convince himself that it certainly wasn't enough time for anything disastrous to happen. Evelyn must be still living, still fighting... But what if she didn't even reach Skyhold and died on the way? 

All the 'what ifs' were killing him and he obviously didn't intend to stay in the infirmary. 

"The Inquisitor?" he asked with a cracked voice and felt shivers going down his spine when the healer's face grimaced with worry. "Where is she?" 

"In her chamber" she just said and stepped back, letting the Commander pass. 

He rushed as quickly as he could towards Evelyn's room. He still was a bit weak although it seemed that all his wounds and bruises were healed. He was breathing fast, trying to calm himself down, trying to convince himself that the healer's reaction to his question didn't mean the worst. He desperately needed to see Evelyn alive. 

"Curly?" he heard Varric's voice when he entered the Main Hall and he stopped, remembering that Varric was among those who came to rescue them. "For the love of... what are you doing up and about? The healers said you wouldn't be able to get up for some time!" 

"I'm fine" Cullen mumbled in response "Varric, can you tell me what had happened? How's Evelyn?" he asked, observing carefully the dwarf's reaction and when he noticed his face darken, he faltered as if Varric's facial expression was enough to confirm his worst fears. The dwarf quickly offered his arm and helped Cullen sit on the chair. 

"Don't worry, she's still fighting, she didn't die... but it's hard" he admitted reluctantly. 

"Tell me everything, please" Cullen begged and Varric let out a heavy sigh. 

"All right, all right... but really, shouldn't you be resting in bed? You were in a pretty bad shape last time I saw you..." he said but when Cullen didn't bother to respond to his worries, he decided to continue, thinking that the sooner the Commander gets to know everything the better. "Very well. What do you remember?" 

"Just that I passed out after you'd found the instructions for the potion" 

"That you did" Varric agreed "and you scared the hell out of us. We almost thought you were done. You needed help and soon, Dorian may be a mage but he's no healer. Well, both you and the Inquisitor needed help. So we set ou to Skyhold as quickly as possible. But the journey..." Varric hesitated "Well, it wasn't the easiest one, that's for sure" 

"What do you mean?" Cullen inquired when Varric seemed to get lost in his thoughts. 

"You remember her screaming, don't you?" Varric asked and when Cullen simply nodded, he continued "Turns out they weren't going to stop. We were in the middle of a forest when she suddenly started thrashing again. And then screaming and believe me, it was worse than the first time. We tried to calm her, help her somehow but nothing worked and all we were left to do was to keep her still and wait. She screamed as if... I don't know... there's not really anything you can compare it to. Nobody screams like that normally. And the mark, it's pulsing all the time, Chuckles says it's not good. Anyway... she was screaming and you didn't even flinch so it made us worry more because, you know, the screaming could wake the dead" 

Cullen felt a sting of guilt in his chest. Evelyn was suffering and he wasn't there for her, laying useless like a log. 

"Eventually, she stopped and we kept on going but then, she started another round and this time there were some Red Templars nearby. They attacked us and as you can imagine, it wasn't the easiest fight in my life. We had to make sure you and Evelyn were out of their reach and she was still howling with pain, it was so difficult to concentrate..." 

"Anybody got hurt?" Cullen interrupted with worry. It was all wrong. It shouldn't have been like that. If he was strong enough he would be there to help them. 

"Nothing serious, they are healed already" Varric reassured him and put a hand on his arm. "We finally got to Skyhold but it took us longer than you might expect" 

"So how long was I out?" Cullen asked incredulously. 

"Four days, Curly. And you're lucky to be alive. Sparkler is trying to prepare some sort of an antidote and I guess we just have to hope it'll work" Varric answered. 

Cullen was shocked. Four days was longer than he'd expected. 

"I..." he started but hesitated. He wasn't there to help them, he wasn't there for Evelyn but he was going to make sure not another minute would be wasted with his absence and he stood up "I think I need to see her now" he said and Varric nodded with understanding, deciding to accompany the Commander. It was his turn to watch over the Inquisitor anyway. 

They entered her room together and Cullen could feel his heart shatter when he saw Evelyn laying still in her bed. Blackwall was sitting right beside the bed, holding a small bowl with water and a piece of cloth he was pushing to her forehead. As Cullen approached them, the Grey Warden looked at him surprised. 

"Commander. You're quick to recover" he commented, wetting the towel in the water. 

"How is she?" he asked, touching her cheek and noticing she had a high fever. 

"Not good" Blackwall answered gloomily. 

Cullen saw how she was sweating heavily and wincing. She wasn't as still as he thought at first. Her fists were clenched, her knuckles white with effort and she was panting. Varric was right, the mark was still pulsing violently. Evelyn was in pain and there was nothing Cullen could do to stop it. 

"Would you like to..." Blackwall asked, offering Cullen the bowl he was holding. He took it from the man's hands and carefully wetted the towel. Then, he gently pushed it to Evelyn's forehead and cheeks. 

"Come on, Hero. Let's leave them" Varric said quietly leaving the room and Blackwal followed him. 

\--- 

"How long does it take to find one damned herb?!" Dorian exclaimed furiously, pacing around the room. 

"Calm down, Dorian" Bull spoke up from the corner "They should be here any minute now" 

Scouts were sent today first thing in the morning in order to find a rare herb which Dorian required to finish the antidote. He wasn't entirely sure it was going to work and it was driving him crazy. He knew he had to believe as it was the only thing left to do but to know that Evelyn was in enormous pain while he was just standing here, watching the potion not to boil over, being unable to ease her suffering... it was maddening. 

"They should know hurry is advisable!" the mage explained, turning his back to his companion, trying to hide the fact that his hands were shaking visibly. "Do they want their leader to be dead? Because that's certainly what is going to happen if they don't hurry, she's going to die and we'll all be doomed!" he continued shouting, hoping it would ease his frustration but it didn't help. It never did. 

Suddenly, he felt a strong grip on his shoulders and he turned around only to face Bull who was standing very close to him. 

"Listen to me" the giant said gently but firmly "They will come back shortly and you _will_ save her. Don't let doubt eat you alive" 

Dorian wondered how it was possible that he and the Qunari grew to be so close. At first, they hated each other, loathing their origins and depending only on stereotypes to which they both were so accustomed. Then, Evelyn started asking both of them to accompany her on the missions and Dorian stopped hating Bull. He was having hard times with admitting to it but he actually started enjoying his company and there was enough evidence that Bull also fancied him. 

When they finally reached Skyhold with Evelyn feverish and screaming and Cullen pale and looking as if he was already dead, Dorian didn't waste any time. He set up a provisional laboratory, started working on the antidote and Bull never left his side. Well, maybe apart from the times when he went to bring the mage something to eat and drink, forcing him to take a break. Iron Bull was constantly sitting in the corner, helping Dorian as much as he could and offering him words of reassurance which Dorian desperately needed. 

"You're right" the mage sighed heavily and lowered his head, trying hard to stay strong and keep up appearances but the pressure he felt was unbearable. Everybody counted on him and his potion to save Evelyn, to save the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste. What if he failed? 

"Hey, come on" Bull said and tilted Dorian's head so that he was facing him again "You could use some fresh air, it'll do you good" 

"I can't" he denied although he could feel disappointment reaching his heart, being immediately replaced with guilt. How could he think of a romance for himself when his best friend was fighting death itself? However, he managed to imagine Evelyn's contented face if she saw him now almost embracing Bull. He just had to make sure she would have a chance to see it in the future. "I have to watch the potion, the temperature cannot rise to much" 

Bull nodded understandingly and marched back to his usual place in the corner. 

"You're going to stay?" Dorian asked although he'd already known the answer. 

"Of course, I am" Bull simply answered and smiled, making Dorian's heart flicker. 

Yes. He definitely had to make sure Evelyn would be there to see what was going on between the two of them. 

Suddenly, the door opened with a huge bang and Dorian almost jumped with surprise. Cursing silently under his breath, he turned around to see the men holding the plant Dorian was awaiting so impatiently. 

"Master Pavus!" the man panted "We found it" 

Dorian approached him quickly. Taking the herb from the man, he examined it carefully, making sure it was the right one and sighing with relief. Only a couple more hours and Evelyn would be well again. 

_If the potion works..._ Dorian thought anxiously as he proceeded to work.


	13. Chapter 13

Cullen didn't want to leave Evelyn's side even for a moment. Carefully cooling her forehead with a wet towel, adjusting the pillows under her head or simply caressing her cheek while squeezing her hand, he kept vigil. There was no force in the world that could make him leave her at that moment. Cold claws of guilt were dragging into his heart as he watched her suffering. None of this would have happened if he had been strong enough. Finally getting some time to think, he wondered how much damage the man who was pretending to be him had managed to cause. His fists clenched when he imagined his hands touching Evelyn's body, claiming it as his own, his lips pressing against her neck, indulging in the pleasure of her touch. Had he managed to ravish her, tricking her into believing that he had really been him? Cullen remembered Evelyn's harsh words when she first saw him after she woke up in the dungeons. His heart was still aching at the memory of her rage and hate pouring straight from her heart. _I hope they kill you. I hope they kill you slowly. I hate you._ Although he knew the words were not meant for him, he still couldn't help but allow them to haunt his mind. What horrible things she must have suffered from the man's hands? What had he done to her making her ready to turn love into such fierce hate? 

He jumped when he heard a knock on the door, which made him snap out of his bitter thoughts. 

"Come in" he said with a cracked voice. 

A short, petite woman with fiery hair shyly entered the room, fixing her gaze on Evelyn and Cullen had a strange notion that he had seen her before. 

"Commander" she spoke silently "I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm Melissa, the Inquisitor's servant" she introduced herself and then, Cullen remembered. Evelyn used to tell him about Melissa, once even admitting that the girl began to feel almost like a friend. "I just wanted to..." Melissa continued when Cullen didn't say anything but she hesitated, clearly intimidated by the situation's gravity "I mean... the Inquisitor, is she going to be well?" she asked. 

Cullen turned his eyes back to Evelyn, realizing at that point there was no clear answer to this question. He wanted nothing more than to tell her not to worry, assure her that the Inquisitor was going to be all well in a couple of days but he couldn't. He didn't have this certainty and it was more than he could take. 

Melissa didn't move from her place but looked at the Commander with compassion. 

"You have to believe, Commander" she said "We all have to believe she'll be fine" 

"It's all we have left" Cullen answered bitterly. 

Melissa didn't get a chance to say anything in return. She opened her mouth but closed them quickly when she noticed a sudden movement on the bed. 

Cullen held his breath when he saw Evelyn wincing with pain and moving her head from one side to another. She was panting and sweating, the mark started pulsing stronger once again. He quickly grabbed her arms, trying to stabilize her, fearing another attack. 

"Solas" he choked to the frightened girl "Bring Solas" he repeated but he didn't have to say it twice as Melissa had already rushed through the door, leaving Cullen with a mere hope she didn't flee because of fear but actually went to inform the elf about what was going to come. 

Cullen noticed how his efforts towards making Evelyn feel better brought no results. She was burning, streams of sweat falling down her temples, desperately gasping for air. For the first time, she let out a trickle of tears which run down her face. Horrified with a perspective of facing even worse attack than before, he held her tightly, making sure she wouldn't hurt herself. 

Solas ran into the room very quickly and wasting no time, he started casting his spells. Melissa was following him, gazing at Evelyn with terror and Cullen wanted to throw her out of the room but at that moment, Evelyn started bucking against the bed violently.

"Hold her still, Commander!" Solas exclaimed, trying to concentrate on his healing spells. 

"Help me!" Cullen shouted glancing towards the red-headed servant, fully expecting her inaction but she surprised him when in a nick of time he found her holding Evelyn's head. 

"This isn't good" Solas spoke up, reaching his hands over Evelyn's body "This is going to be worse. She may not..." he continued but his words were drowned in Evelyn's screams. 

Cullen was sure that her screams were going to haunt him in his worst nightmares. She sounded as if she was being flayed alive, making his hair stand on end. He wanted to end it for her, take the pain away, shield her from it but he was helpless, able only to hold her arms and pray. 

"No!" she shouted and suddenly her eyes opened wide, filled with terror that Cullen had never seen in his life before. He held his breath and strenghtened his grip. "Don't leave!" she howled "Stay! Help me!" the words coming from her mouth made Cullen's heart break. 

"I want to help you..." he whispered, knowing that neither Solas nor the girl could hear him for Evelyn started shrieking dreadfully. Her body arched violently, forcing Melissa to let go off her head. Her eyes rolled back and she was panting, trying to breath but Cullen had an impression that there was something that blocked the air from coming to her lungs. 

Solas was shouting nervously but Cullen didn't understand a word. He knew only one thing. If she was going to die there, he wouldn't survive it. 

Just as quickly as everything started, it stopped. She dropped on her bed, her eyes closed, her breathing shallow. 

"She's not going to make it" Solas said quietly, sorrow easily audible in his voice "If there's to be another attack of that sort she's not going to survive it" 

Melissa gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, making a step back. 

“You can go now” Solas turned to her “We can handle the situation from now on” 

She glanced towards the Inquisitor one last time and left the room with a heavy heart. 

Cullen was paralyzed. Still holding her hands in a firm grip, he felt his eyes prickle because of the tears that once again welled up in his eyes. 

_She can’t die, she can’t, I won’t allow it._ His thoughts were like a rush of horror and panic, mixed together to crash his heart. 

“Dorian’s antidote” Cullen finally choked, turning his absent gaze towards Solas “It may still work” 

“It may” Solas admitted reluctantly and immediately added “And it may not. From what we know now her chances of survival are close to none” the elf continued and each word he spoke was like a sharp knife dragged straight into Cullen’s heart “She’s in pain, Commander” Solas added, putting a hand on Cullen’s arm and looking at Evelyn worryingly “Perhaps it would be better to just cut her suffering short” 

Cullen violently pushed away his hand and quickly stood up. He straightened up, trying to demonstrate the elf his dominance. Cullen might have been weak at that moment, people might have thought he was nothing but a shell of a man but as long as he was breathing, as long as he was the Commander of the Inquisition army, he would make sure Evelyn was going to live. 

He glared at the apostate elf with fury in his eyes, trying to wrap his mind around the idea that this man, the man that Evelyn considered to be her friend, suggested they simply kill her, give up on her. 

“Try to understand” Solas said defensively “Her pain is torment. We cannot even imagine what she’s going through and we have no cure. The battle is lost, Commander” the elf added bitterly and lowered his head. 

“It’s not lost and it won’t be lost as long as I’m standing” Cullen gritted through his clenched teeth, fighting the urge to simply punch Solas in his face and never look at him again. 

"Commander, you must see..." Solas started but Cullen interrupted him harshly knowing that one more word coming from the man would made him unable to control himself. 

"Enough!" Cullen yelled "We _will not_ give up on her! If she was standing here and you were laying there instead of her, she would never give up on you. On any of us. She would fight till the very end and that's exactly what she's doing right now!" 

He was surprised to notice how screaming made him feel a bit better, releasing the tension from his muscles. He truly believed what he was saying. Evelyn was the bravest woman he'd ever known and there was no other way for her than to fight and survive. 

Then, the door opened and Cullen turned around only to see Dorian followed by the Iron Bull. The mage was exhausted, dark circles around his eyes being a clear manifestation of how little sleep he managed to steal. He was carrying a small vial in his hands and Cullen felt a knot tying in his stomach. 

"It's ready" Dorian simply said and approached Evelyn's bed. 

It was the moment for which they all had been waiting. Cullen could swear his heart stopped beating. His hands were shaking uncontrollably and suddenly his mouth became very dry. 

_She is going to be all right. She will wake up._

All that had to be done was to give the antidote to Evelyn and wait.


	14. Chapter 14

Burning. Stinging. Stabbing. Never ending spasms of excruciating pain. Her body was on the brink of giving up but she still kept fighting. Sometimes the torment was unbearable and in those moments she was sure she was going to die. But sometimes it lessened and gave her time to focus, to gather her strength and prepare for another wave. 

She couldn't speak or even open her eyes but she wasn't unconscious. All she desired was rest. She didn't know how much time passed but the feeling of overwhelming weariness was telling her silently that probably a lot. 

Evelyn didn't fully understand what was going on with her. She only felt that she had to fight to make the Anchor stay where it belonged. Although she had hated it at the very beginning, she now knew that without it all would be lost. But the Anchor was stubborn. 

It wanted to leave her body so badly. Evelyn noticed how she came to perceive it as something more than just a mark on her hand. It understood and somehow could feel and as it was attached to her body, she also could feel its emotions. 

It was scared of the substance that had been poured in her body along with the potion. The substance which overflew her with torment, slowly destroying her insides, sending her waves of pain. Evelyn didn't know if it was possible to fight against this thing with a mere willpower but it was all she was left with. 

So she was fighting from the very beginning. She was fighting when she last saw Cullen and his eyes full of worry for her, when she felt cold ground under her back and when she heard battle sounds from far away. She could almost hear the voices of her friends, sometimes recognizing one or another but she was never able to understand the words, hearing them as if through a thick veil. 

After the third wave of pain she was exhausted. Everything hurt as she began to lose hope. Maybe they didn't need her after all? Maybe they would find another way to deal with Corypheus and the Anchor wasn't really the only way to close all those rifts? Maybe, just maybe she could let the Anchor flee and finally drift away into blissful arms of death... The Inquisition could do without her just as well. 

But Cullen... she thought about his warm, golden eyes when he smiled at her or laughed, leaving worry aside for a moment. He loved her so much. Much more than anything in the world, she was aware of his feelings. Could she just leave him? Could he endure her absence? 

Could _she_ endure it? 

Her thoughts were interrupted abruptly as she felt another wave approaching. She steeled herself, feeling that this one was going to be the worst but she wasn't fully convinced whether she wanted to fight any longer. 

And there it came. Ripping her guts apart, burning them with hot fire, twisting and squeezing aggressively. Sharp swords dragging through her body forcefully, countless daggers biting into her flesh, arrows protruding from every limb. She imagined all sorts of wounds appearing on her body when the agony was ravishing her soul. 

She had no more strength left in her, no more power to defy the invisible enemy living inside of her, nothing. That was it. She had to give up. The Anchor felt it, felt her retreat and moved to leave her hand forever taking with it the last chance for Thedas to survive. 

Evelyn could almost feel cold embrace of death reaching her mind when she saw her friends's disappointed faces. 

_Hey, Boss_ she recognized Bull's voice _Don't give up just yet, all right? It'll all be good, you'll see._

Then, there was Vivienne. _Dear, I thought you were supposed to be a powerful leader prepared for anything, didn't I tell you to always be prepared? You are the mighty Inquisitor, you can't give up now._

_I know you're people._ Sera's voice broke through. _And you're good people and good people don't leave their friends behind, yeah?_

 _She's right, you know? I thought we were friends and you would leave me here alone?_ Dorian was now speaking in his usual, lighthearted tone. 

_Firefly, you can't leave us. It's not your time._ This time it was Varric. And right after him, Blackwall. 

_You are an inspiration to us all._

She then heard Solas. _Don't give up, ma falon. You're the only one who can help us._

_You have to be brave and strong. I believe in you._ Cassandra's firm voice echoed in her mind. 

_You're hurting._ It was Cole's turn. _But the pain will go away soon. It won't go away if you give up now_

There was an avalanche of familiar faces passing through her mind. People she spoke to, people who believed in her and in the Inquisition. She even glanced Melissa's fiery hair somewhere in the crowd. 

And at last, there was Cullen. Beaming at her with warm light, smiling gently and looking at her with pure love. _I love you, Evelyn. You are the light in my life. You can do it._

At that moment, she knew she couldn't give up. She had to fight one more time for all of them. Panic rushed through her mind when she noticed how much the Anchor managed to slip away and she gathered all the power she had left to bring it back. 

That's when she opened her eyes but couldn't see. That's when she desperately started begging the Anchor to stay with her and help her defeat Corypheus. That's when the worst wave of pain hit her body. 

But now she had been fueled with their words and she would face anything that came her way. She wouldn't give up, not while she was still breathing. 

The wave passed away, leaving her damaged but not broken. She was just hoping that the next one wouldn't be as murderously punishing. 

Suddenly, there was warmth pouring over her throat. It was a strange, soothing feeling and Evelyn had no idea where it was coming from but the relief it was bringing along was more than she could hope for. She indulged in it as much as she could, realizing that it was making her feel better. She clung to it and was determined not to let the feeling go, realizing it was... purging her. Purging her body from all the evil lingering there. 

Then, she was free. The pain ceased to torment her body, leaving her with a wonderful sensation of relief, allowing her to finally smile. 

And she slowly opened her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, that's it for today :)   
> I hope this piece where her companions talk to her wasn't boring and that "ma falon" really means "my friend." I mean, I've checked, twice even, but I'm the kind of a person who checks things and is still unsure of things unless someone else confirms that the things were correct. (yeah, it is frustrating)


	15. Chapter 15

The first minute felt like an hour. Time was passing slowly as if making it hard for all of them on purpose, enjoying their unbearable awaiting. 

The second minute was insufferably long, making it nearly impossible to stay still, causing distress and heartbeats resonating loudly in their ears. 

The third one seemed like an eternity, each second being a torment for their anxious hearts. 

But then, something started happening. 

Cullen noticed how her breathing slowly stabilized. Her hands no longer clenched tightly and her face was no longer grimaced in pain. Cullen gasped when he realized she was... smiling. 

It worked. The potion worked. Cullen could barely hold on as all he wanted to do was to shout with joy and relief, dance around the room with this lighthearted feeling the poured all over him. Instead, he grabbed her hand and awaited. She was going to live and he fully intended to be there when she opens her eyes. 

"Do you see what I'm seeing?" suddenly Bull spoke, sounded utterly shocked. 

"Her hair..." Solas whispered, his eyes wide open. 

"I must have added too much..." Dorian started but stopped in mid-sentence "Oh, she's going to kill me" he stated bluntly. 

Being completely focused on her well-being it was only then that Cullen noticed what they were talking about. 

Evelyn's hair turned white as snow. Her curls were completely bleached, leaving no trace of a previous golden color. 

But Cullen found it difficult to marvel at the phenomenon. He could think only about her, wanting so much for her to open her eyes, he nearly stopped breathing. 

_Come on, Evelyn._ He thought and squeezed her hand. _Wake up, please._

"Just give her some time" Dorian spoke up, putting his hand on Cullen's shoulder in a gesture of reassurance and when Cullen glanced into the mage's direction, he couldn't help but notice his companions anxiety being almost as high as his own. 

When she finally opened her eyes, Cullen couldn't hold it anymore. He gently cupped her face and looked at her with the greatest relief he had ever felt. 

"Hey guys" Evelyn muttered silently in a cracked voice looking at all three of them with a small grin. 

And Cullen simply broke down, burying his face in her neck, at last allowing the tears to fall down his cheeks and silent sobs to escape his mouth. He no longer cared if there were people around him for all the emotions he'd been bottling up just exploded within him bringing him peace. All that mattered, was that Evelyn was alive, she opened her eyes and spoke to them. Nothing else was important. 

"Shh..." she said silently, gently embracing Cullen's back "I'm here now. It's all right" 

Dorian didn't let his emotions take over him but he too was very close to bursting into tears. Instead, he just smiled at her. 

"Let's give those love birds a bit of space" he said and turned towards the door. Bull and Solas followed his steps, each of them feeling much lighter than when they had entered the room in the first place. 

Cullen had so many things he wanted to say to her, so many lingering thoughts being ready to just escape his mind through his mouth but he found it impossible to form any coherent sentence at that moment. He could finally breath. 

"Cullen" she spoke quietly and only then he managed to look at her again. She was so beautiful he found it difficult to ever stop admiring her. But it wasn't her beauty that he loved the most. It was her bravery and kindness. It was the fact that she was ready to do anything for the people she loved. She was like a dream coming true, like a savior sent to him in his hard times. He would do anything to make her happy. 

"You're back" he whispered and kissed her forehead. 

"I am" she smiled in response but it was a weak smile and her voice was faint. "But I am also exhausted" she admitted, squeezing his hand lightly "I'll just sleep for a bit now, all right?" 

At that moment, he let doubt take over him. Involuntarily, he started wondering whether she could ever forgive him. He failed her. _He_ was the reason why she was in such a state. He should have been her shield and instead not only was she kidnapped by the man who was pretending to be him, but also was forced to drink this damned poison. If he wasn't there, if he was stronger, if he was more careful... once again all the 'what ifs' reappeared in his mind, destroying mercilessly all relief he might have felt a minute ago. Additionally, he still wasn't sure what the pretender managed to do when he was in Skyhold... would she be able to forget it? To fully convince herself that it wasn't really Cullen but someone else. Cullen would never hurt her, she must know this... but what if she doesn't? 

With this sudden realization, he let her hand and straightened up, wiping his tears away. 

"Of course" he mumbled and stood up, intending to leave the room in order to let her get some rest but he was surprised to notice how her hand quickly grabbed his and held tightly. 

"Stay with me, please" she asked. 

His heart melted when he laid down next to her and embraced her strongly. It shivered when she intertwined her fingers with his and curled in his arms. And it steeled when he promised himself that never again would he let her get hurt again. 

\--- 

Although Dorian felt lighthearted and joyous, he couldn't deny the fact that he desperately needed some sleep. Solas left them soon after they emerged from Evelyn's chamber and now Dorian found himself alone with Bull, once again unable to enjoy his company as weariness was beginning to take over his body. They were standing in front of each other and Bull was staring at him intensively, almost making him blush. 

"You saved her" finally the Qunari spoke with a hint of pride in his voice. 

Dorian didn't know what to say and he wasn't even sure whether he could claim that his lack of words was caused by tiredness. He was still reluctant to admit the influence Bull had on him, leaving him speechless at times, forcing him to abandon his usual mask of indifference. 

"You did well, Dorian" Bull repeated and turned towards the door, intending to leave for the tavern. 

Suddenly, Dorian realized the feeling that overwhelmed him was nothing more than a disappointment. He was disappointed to see Bull leave him and although it left him utterly shocked, he managed to regain the ability to speak. 

"I'll see you later?" he asked even before Bull made a step forward. Bull turned around and gave him a warm smile. 

"Sure. But first, get some sleep, you look like you need some" he stated and left. 

For a minute, Dorian stood in the same place, trying to control a wide grin that got stuck on his face but eventually he gave up and he moved towards his room still smiling widely.


	16. Chapter 16

Evelyn was standing on the battlements, breathing in the cool air and trying to clear her mind. It's been several days since her recovery and although her body healed completely, her soul was still troubled. 

She didn't speak to Cullen about the events and he also didn't seem to have any interest in discussing things with her. She missed him terribly but guilt entrenched in her heart, making her unable to look into his eyes. 

Evelyn tried very hard to forget the pretender's hurtful words, his fists hitting her face forcefully, his hands gripping her wrists... It wasn't Cullen, not really. He would never hurt her, she knew it now. But she also felt as if she betrayed his trust. Could she have done something to prevent the disaster? 

She also remembered his bruised and battered body, his exhausted face, the way he tried to protect her even when he was enchained to the wall, beaten nearly to death. Evelyn wasn't sure if she could ever forget and it made her guilt grow harder on her. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for her... 

She sighed heavily and moved towards her chamber. Tomorrow, there was another mission to which she had to attend. She didn't know how long this mission would take but she was afraid of leaving without speaking to Cullen first, for it would probably mean the end of their relationship. Still, she let fear and anxiety outweigh any other emotion she might have felt and as she entered her room she began packing for her journey, trying to hold the tears. 

\--- 

Cullen had to keep busy, for it was the only way he could stop thinking. The last time he was with Evelyn alone was after he woke up in her bed, still embracing her tightly. Looking at her peaceful body, he decided to sneak out of her room silently, being too afraid of talking to her about what had happened to them. From that moment, they only saw each other in the War Room and even there, Cullen couldn't force himself to look at Evelyn. 

He couldn't stop blaming himself for everything that had happened. How could he have been so carefree? He had promised himself he would protect Evelyn at all cost and he failed miserably. _Maker's breath, she nearly died in my arms._ He thought bitterly. 

She was going to leave tomorrow. Another mission, another danger in which she would run and yet again, Cullen couldn't do anything about it. The thought of being away from Evelyn was killing him but how could he ever look at her without guilt gnawing at his heart? 

His thoughts were interrupted with a loud bang of his door opening. Dorian walked in his office, not even bothering to knock and judging by the mage's fury, Cullen decided it would better not to point out his lack of manners. 

"I certainly hope this time I won't be forced to freeze you, Commander" Dorian started and Cullen looked at him puzzled "but if you keep behaving like a little child I will consider setting you on fire. Actually, both of you" 

"What are you..." Cullen started but he was quickly interrupted by his friend who obviously felt fueled with his anger. 

"Don't even finish the question!" he yelled, approaching Cullen's desk and hit it with his fist. "So, what is it about? Why are you avoiding her?" 

Cullen's eyes opened wide and for a moment, he couldn't find proper words. 

"I'm not avoiding her" he started but as soon as the words left his mouth, he knew it was a lie. He _was_ avoiding her without even realizing it. 

"Really? When was the last time you spoke to her? When was the last time you tried to talk to her about what had happened to you?" Dorian kept his eyes fixed on Cullen "In fact, did you speak to anyone about what had happened?" 

"I gave Leliana a report..." Cullen mumbled quietly. 

"Yes, well, congratulations on this, it probably was very useful. For the Inquisition, not for you!" 

Cullen lowered his head. Dorian was right. He'd been bottling up everything, trying to prove he was strong enough but the burden was getting heavier with each passing day. 

"Cullen" Dorian spoke up gently "You need to get it off your chest. And you need to talk to her, she's hurting" 

"How can I talk to her?" Cullen finally asked "How can I even look at her when all I can think of is how I should have protected her and how I failed?" 

After a few minutes of silence, Dorian said: "You know she doesn't blame you, don't you? She blames herself" 

At first, Cullen couldn't process the words as they seemed ridiculous. Why would she blame herself? Then, he realized his mistake. He thought she was the one to avoid him, he was convinced she didn't want to talk to him but it was wrong. Realizing his fault, he quickly stood up and turned towards the door, leaving Dorian behind. 

The mage simply smiled and left the Commander's office, closing the door behind him and feeling relieved that this time he wasn't forced to freeze his friend's hands. 

\--- 

A loud and seemingly urgent knocking on her door made Evelyn nearly jump with surprise. She quickly wiped away the tears and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. 

"Come in!" she shouted. 

She froze when Cullen entered the room. His eyes were focused completely on her and when he quickly approached her, she almost forgot to breathe. 

"Evelyn, I'm..." he started, his whole body trembling with nerves. She wasn't able to give out any sound. 

After a short moment of hesitation, Cullen fell down on his knees and embraced her waist, burying his face in her clothes. 

"I'm sorry" he whispered with a cracked voice "I'm so sorry, Evelyn. It was all my fault. Can you ever forgive me?" he asked and then he turned his eyes towards her face. "Can we survive this?" he asked with hope. 

It took her some time to finally regain the ability to move, for she was utterly stunned with his sudden reaction. Slowly, she was beginning to process his words and when they finally reached her, she couldn't help but let the tears flow again. Falling down on her knees and embracing Cullen, hiding her face in his red, furry mantle, she let relief take over her. 

They knelt in front of each other, trying to control their emotions, indulging in each other's touch. 

Cullen could no longer hold back. He tilted her head and kissed her ardently, his hungry lips ravishing her taste. They could no longer think clearly as desire poured all over their bodies, both of them hard up, craving each other's touch. 

They desperately undressed each other and shivered when their bodies finally touched. Their breaths were quick and shallow, both of them panting and moaning silently at the sensation. 

Cullen could feel her wetness when she wrapped her legs around his waist, waiting impatiently for him to enter her. All she wanted to feel at that moment was him, she wanted to feel whole with their bodies intertwined. And he couldn't wait any longer, his erection hard in an almost painful way. 

He thrust in her hard, groaning with unspeakable pleasure and she screamed his name, unable to control herself any longer. Her nails were digging into his back and his strong hands were holding her tightly. They made love like they never had before. It was fervent and fiery, almost possessive. They needed to feel each other and nothing else mattered. The whole world stopped existing and with every thrust they felt as if reality was blurring, leaving only the two of them, joined forever. 

When Cullen felt her arousal reaching its peak, he shuddered and when Evelyn knew she was close, she gave out an ecstatic scream. They both came at the same time, clinging to each other, wanting the moment to last forever. 

They looked in each other faces and felt hope forming in their hearts. 

"I love you" she finally choked, cupping his cheeks. 

"I love you, too" he said, gently kissing her palms. 

After several minutes, they decided to move to Evelyn's bed. Still clutching at each other, they felt joy in their hearts. And they knew, they were going to survive this. 

Together, they were going to survive anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand it's the end :) 
> 
> Thank you all sooo much for all the comments with kind words, for kudos and for reading! <3


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